I was sitting in the big massage chair yesterday at the nail salon, feet submerged in hot, bubbling water, making small-talk, while my (foster) daughter and my mom played in the waiting area. The pedicurist and I chatted about everything from her experience with working at various nail salons to her future as a pharmacist. We talked about how cute my daughter was and what a funny personality she has. Never did I imagine that she would be bold enough to ask, “Why did you decide to adopt instead of having your own children?” My instinct was to say that she is my own child. But, as I do day, after day, I told her the very short version of my story. I often view this as part of my mission, to educate people on foster care and adoptions. So, although I am usually shocked at the bluntness, I actually enjoy sharing the story of our family.

I gave this young girl the short version: “we couldn’t have our own kids, actually it was taking a really long time, so we decided to go ahead and foster babies while we were waiting. We had always wanted to foster later in life, but we decided to go ahead and do it. When we got M (our foster daughter) we fell in love with her and when we found out she was available for adoption, we decided to adopt her.” Sometimes I feel guilty that I didn’t “choose” foster care and adoption first, but God’s plan led me to choose it in the end.
My husband and I planned on having biological children and never contemplated otherwise. We had talked a lot about having foster babies in our home once our children were older or out of the home, but we never intended on doing so in our mid-twenties.

When we first got married, we both thought we should be on the “five year plan.” We thought it would be great to have five years together before having children. But, I got baby fever and we realized that it would be great to go ahead and start our little family. So five years became three years. A few months after getting off of birth control I got pregnant and later miscarried at 6 weeks. I was absolutely devastated. However, I never imagined that getting pregnant again would be an issue at all. I ended up trying The Infertility Diet, natural progesterone cream, baby aspirin and other natural methods. Several months went by and I was referred to a specialist. I did the Clomid thing, did some testing, and did all of the humiliating almost weekly visits with the reproductive endocrinologist, until I was at my breaking point. I decided there was no way I could keep doing this. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, not to mention I had gained fifteen pounds! I needed a break!

We waited about nine months, still without a pregnancy and finally decided that I could either continue to feel sorry for myself or help babies that needed a home, family and parents. That’s when we started our mission of foster care. I look back and almost laugh. My mentality a year ago was: foster, get pregnant, and give the baby back. Oh, I was SO wrong! In reality it was more like this: get foster baby, fall in love, find out she’s adoptable, and keep her forever!

Aubrey also writes at her personal blog, Kingcade Kitchen, between changing diapers and playing baby dolls with her little one.