What I Hear
Advocate, China — By TongguMomma on September 10, 2009 at 7:55 am
Republished by Blog Post Promoter
When a parent from the China-adoption community says…
- I chose China because I don’t want to have to deal with birthparents at all.
- Adult adoptees who talk about the negative sides of adoption are just angry and ungrateful.
- It’s okay to talk poorly about the country of China because my child is American now anyway.
- My Asian-American child doesn’t face racism at all.
- We’re still trying for a biological child because my husband wants a son.
- It’s not important for me to incorporate Chinese culture into our lives unless my child asks me to do so.
… what I hear is that this person may have become a parent when she adopted from China, but she isn’t interested in being an adoptive parent.
This post was originally inspired by ‘Reading Between the Lines‘ at Production Not Reproduction. And when Tonggu Momma isn’t ranting here, she’s chasing after her five-year-old at Our Little Tongginator.
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9 Comments
Very keen observation….and you’re right, there is a difference. Even on the domestic side of things.
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I have to say that this just makes me sick. It actually sounds like she, herself, is racist because it sounds like she does not really like, or want to embrace, the Chinese culture.
How can you bad mouth a country that means so much to your child’s heritage? It’s like slandering the birth mother. I completely understand telling truths…like this is the reality in which you lived… but talking bad about the country is another thing.
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This breaks my heart. Why are they even allowed to adopt! Uuurgh.
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I don’t even know where to start. As a mom of a daughter adopted from China (she is now 9) I can’t believe anyone considering adoption from China is so naive. Send her my way. I’ll set her straight. :(
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This is why North Carolina requires anyone adopting a child from foster care to take the MAPP class training. It’s a 10 week course. It is important to understand that a child’s background, ethnicity, birth parents, etc are a part of who they are. When you put down their culture, background, etc, you are dismissing and saying a part of them is unimportant or bad.
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Are all these comments from the same person?? They sound so…flippant.
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Aunt LoLo…Yes, I believe the comments in the post are all from the same person.
Tonggu Momma? Can you verify?
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Yes, they are all paraphrases from the same person. She’s never said them all at once, but I’ve heard her make statements similar to these at various times since I’ve known her. I’ve been hearing them come out of her mouth for two years now. The husband and I call her our “extra grace person,” meaning we need extra grace just to make it through an encounter with her. We try to avoid her when we can, but… all I can think of is that her daughter can’t avoid her. And that breaks my heart.
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Thank you for this post.
As an adult Asian adoptee, I have heard every one of those myself, from different adoptive and prospective adoptive parents (I work in the adoption field, so I interact a lot with adoptive and prospective-adoptive parents).
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