I have been made aware – numerous time lately – that I baby my children.  This comes a complete shock to me because I feel like a very ‘independence’ preaching mom.  I always knew that my two youngest, the two with RAD, were a bit more sheltered…because they needed to be.  However, I am now wondering if I’ve sheltered a bit too much.

DS2 is now off at boarding school.  We took him there in early June and it’s a great fit.  We’ve talked to him multiple times and he is blending in and making it on his own.  I knew he would…yet, when he’s home I’m barely able to let him go across the street on his own.  Of course, there is a reason for that.  He has proven, over and over, that his decision making while living with us is lacking.  That is putting it mildly.  I also knew that he would go to school and have no issues with decisions.  So far, I’m exactly right.

As we sat in the headmaster’s office, he told us many things.  The biggest one was that DS2 would, most likely, be a different child there than he is at home.  Check.  So far, he’s exemplary – earning a bigger dorm room and it seems he is quite popular.

While at check in, I noticed that DS2 wouldn’t really respond to any adults.  He just wouldn’t answer.  That is par for the course at home, and I started jumping in to answer for him.  Pow…it hit me.  Maybe he didn’t answer because I ALWAYS jumped in to do it for him.  Always.

There is some level of embarrassment when you have a child that won’t/can’t/doesn’t communicate.  Is it embarrassment for me or for him?  Who knows?  As we stood before the dorm office and they asked the checklist of questions – I continued to answer.  I had done most of the packing and therefore I knew what he had.  He probably didn’t…but I didn’t give him a chance.  The dorm parent finally looked at me and asked,

“Who is going to be living here later today?”

That was it.  They were going to hold him responsible and I would not be there to pick up any pieces.  I also wouldn’t be there to sabotage him.  Yuck…how long had I been doing that?  You think you are helping.  At least, I did.

I heard adults ask him to speak up and answer – I heard adults tell him to look at them when he speaks – I heard adults tell him that mumbling was not an appropriate response to a question…and I saw him act as though he’d never heard those things before.  Of course, he had…a million times maybe.  But, I could wager that he won’t have to hear them again there.