I used to talk with friends at lunch about how I was preparing myself for the “worst”…reading up on FAS, sensory issues, making sure I baby-proofed everything and they thought I was crazy.

They told me that that having children was supposed to be easy. That attachment and bonding came so naturally that there was no need to work on it, that children were resilient and that they would just blend right into our lives.

That was not so with AJ. Life was very difficult. I remember, very clearly, the first time he got into the silverware drawer, despite the baby-proofing. He tried to stick a corn-cob holder into his eye. He had no knowledge of what it might do.

With Gus…it has been seamless. Like, I guess it is supposed to be. Oh, we have the sleepless nights and the teething but we don’t have the attachment fights, the sensory issues, the horrible feeding problems and the sickness so horrific that he is miserable.

If someone had told me that adoption was supposed to be this way I would have told them they were lieing, that adoption is the hardest thing in the world.

I am so glad it’s not.

Tonight at dinner we took turns going around the table with each person sharing something interesting about their day. Little Man entertained us with animated stories about Smoky the Bear giving high fives. Samuel told us about his fun morning taking the SAT. Then it was Dimples’ turn and she proceeded to tell us about sitting in the ambulance where they put something on her finger (an oximeter) and the screen said, “You have HIV”. She was rather disturbed that something so simple could announce something so important to the world.

We tried to explain that the machine could not know she had HIV. She replied that it could see it in her blood. No, we said, her blood has to be taken out with a special needle, put in a very special machine, and only then can a technician in the laboratory see that her blood has HIV. To no avail – she insisted that the machine said she had HIV.

It occurred to us later that Dimples may have seen a label that said IV and thought it said HIV, but we’ll never be sure.

Although she doesn’t often express concerns about being HIV+, clearly it is on her mind. At the age of seven, she knows that there is no cure for HIV and she knows her Ethiopian mommy died of AIDS. She asks her sister, who is in medical school, if she will find a way to “kill all the bad virus” in her blood. It isn’t enough for her to know that her “powerful meds” are doing a good job keeping her viral load undetectable – she wants it gone for good.

I’m with her, hoping for a cure.

~Lisa

Lisa writes about her life as the mom of eleven, including two who are HIV+, at A Bushel and a Peck.

The following is a list, from Deborah Borchers, M.D., of the suggested tests, which parents can bring to their first doctor’s appointment.

Hepatitis B screen, including Hepatitis B surface antigen, Hepatitis B surface antibody, Hepatitis B core antibody.
Hepatitis C screen.
HIV ELISA and PCR screen.
Stool examination for ova and parasites, giardia antigen, and bacterial culture. Three specimens, obtained 48 hours apart, are strongly recommended, particularly for children formerly in an orphanage.
Complete blood count; hemoglobin electrophoresis is recommended for children who are anemic and at risk for abnormal hemoglobins, such as children of African, Asian or Mediterranean descent.
Lead level.
Blood screen for syphilis.
TSH to rule out low thyroid levels; consider the state metabolic screen.
A PPD to evaluate for tuberculosis. A test of 10 mm is considered positive and should necessitate further evaluation and treatment.
A urinalysis dipstick.
Diphtheria and Tetanus antibodies may be done if vaccines were given to verify immunity.
Calcium, phosphatase, alkaline phosphatase and rickets survey if there is a suspicion of rickets.
· Six months after arrival home children should have repeat testing for Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, HIV and tuberculosis (with a repeat PPD test).

Parents may need to be proactive and push for the proper tests to be done. It can be hard for the new parents to demand that their child be tested for something like Syphilis, but it’s important for them to keep in mind that even if the tests are positive, most conditions can be treated successfully. Getting a full picture of your new child’s health, particularly in cases where there are scant or non-existent records available from their country of birth, is just the first step in helping them to thrive.

For more information go to: www.adoptivefamilies.com

Ingrid also posts at www.FRUA.org

It is important to take into consideration your child’s medical circumstances, health history, early care, current nutrition, genetic heritage (if available), and emotional trauma. Sometimes, however, children may no make significant progress and parents will need to look at parasites and allergies, both of which AJ has.

Use these Vietnamese and Asian growth charts to see the percentages for your child. There are also China charts.