Whenever I sit to write, I am already at the middle of it. It’s the beginning that always befuddles me. I never know where to start.

That is because, in this conversation at least, there is no beginning for me. There is now, and there is tomorrow, but yesterday is shrouded in loss. Lost people, places, memories. Lost senses. I feel like a table that has lost a leg – continually propped up but endlessly falling over. I think the best descriptor for this might be displaced.

Like a cactus in the ocean. Like driftwood in the desert.

I didn’t start anywhere, I just am. My origins existed once, but they were wiped away the day I was told to forget my mother, my land, my language. There is grief in this, but I’ve reached a point where the pain is muted because I’m no longer at that lost beginning. I’m at the middle, doing what many women in the middle of their lives do: raise children. The tragedy for me now is that my children, for whom I would lasso the moon and stars, have also lost their history.

My focus has shifted from mourning my loss, to mourning the emptiness I have passed on to my children. They don’t know where they came from, at least partly. When we adopted Stitch in December 2009 from China, my three biological children began to understand that they are not Chinese, but they are Asian. I try to tell them what Korea is, but they don’t understand how it is different than China. I point to the two countries on a map, but all they see is flat paper. To my half-Korean, half-white children, all Asians do look alike.

I have seen my oldest daughter pull the corners of her eyes back and say they are Chinese eyes. When my kids see an Asian, they exclaim “There’s a Chinese person!”  I am failing miserably at being a Korean mom, an omma. I have nothing Korean to offer them, because I am so little Korean myself. All of their grandparents are white, and most of the Asian children they know have white parents. I raise my children in the same homogenous white world in which I was raised.

I try to give them Korea. We eat the few Korean dishes I can prepare – bulgogi, kimbap, bibimbap, neong myun, yakimandoo - plus a few other recipes brought by a family friend from Laos. I tell them the couple of Hangul words I know – kamsahamnida, anyeonghaseo, yoboseo – and someday my oldest, my Junebug, will inherit my childhood hanbok. That is all I can give, and it is nothing. Where I have a vacuous hole in my history, they have an equal hole in theirs. Blessedly, they stand a little farther from it. It is second-hand loss.

There is so much I want to give my children: all their highest hopes and biggest dreams. But I cannot give them their heritage, because it is not mine to give. Cultural identity cannot be retrieved or replaced. All I can provide is the tourist perspective, because that is all I have. Abandonment and adoption loss, it is pervasive.

That far away Korean mother, whom I still grieve and who I hope still grieves me, she lost more than a child. She lost these gorgeous grandchildren. I am not the only child who lost my mother – they lost their grandmother. Loss of country, family, and language: this is my legacy to them.

Read more articles on loss of heritage, finely written by Mei-Ling here, by girl4708 here, by Jane Jeong Trenka here, and by Jae Ran here.

Read more article on international adoptees becoming parents, finely written by Paula here, by Gang-Shil here, and by Melissa here.

GIMH is Raina’s home away from home.  She resides at faiths and illusions, but sometimes visits her beach house at outside the tangle.  As an adult adoptee from Korea, biological mother, and mother to a child adopted from China, she spends a lot of time just trying not to screw up too badly.

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I grew up in several diverse communities, among people of all races and faiths. My parents taught me from a very young age to do as Martin Luther King, Jr. advocated: to judge a person by the content of her character rather than by the color of her skin.

I always tried to do that.

When the Husband and I began discussing growing our family through adoption in 2003, we quickly turned to international adoption. Our reasons were complicated and many. Both the Husband and I expressed great interest in the global community. We’d previously lived as minorities within predominantly Asian and Pacific Islander communities – I in Japan and Hawaii and the Husband in Guam, South Korea and Japan. Also, between the two of us, we grew up with four cousins adopted from Asia. Most importantly, the Husband and I prided ourselves on being people who “didn’t see” color.

After researching various countries’ adoption programs, we selected China after learning more and more about its population control policies and cultural gender preferences.

We heard many comments from people during our adoption paperchase and wait. Most everyone offered an opinion about our decision. Some (bless them!) simply gave their support and offered congratulations. Some people applauded our open-mindedness for adopting a child not of our race. Some people, with great spiritual pride, stated that God called us to adopt these poor orphan children who needed to be saved by Christian families. Some asked us why we didn’t “adopt American.” And a few simply stopped asking us anything because they wished to avoid our soon-to-be multicultural family.

Very rarely did we feel comfortable with any of these conversations.

I experienced my first moment of overt racism just months before our adoption referral. The wife of an elder at our then-church and I joyously discussed the upcoming domestic adoption of dear friends of ours. Wife-of-the-Elder patted me on the shoulder, believing she consoled me, saying, “And they got a white baby.”

Remembering her words still brings tears to my eyes.

We’ve been home over four years now. We still face racism on a regular basis. Last summer, we heard a relative comment on our daughter’s almond- shaped eyes and then say, “well, we think you’re beautiful anyway.” A little over a year ago, the mother of a child in my daughter’s preschool class discussed the surprisingly sudden closure of a local African-American bookstore. The woman commented, “well, maybe it’s just because those people don’t read.” Last month a woman from my daughter’s preschool informed me of their decision to homeschool because their local elementary school “wasn’t white enough.”  This weekend I’ve overheard some of my neighbors making racist remarks after a horrific crime occurred in our rather small community.  And I can’t tell you how many people have cooed over my daughter, calling her a little China doll.

While y’all may not know this, the term China doll carries with it a history of meaning that causes me to blush in embarrassment and rage. Don’t use the term in reference to my daughter. Never.

Not. Ever.

The husband and I see little things as well… things that don’t feel so little when they are directed at our daughter or another person of her same race. Most Caucasian-Americans don’t label these “small” things as racist, but I disagree. Most wish to gloss over an event such as this because it doesn’t appear overtly horrible, but I’ve learned to trust my instincts about prejudice in all of its forms. I think the vast majority of white America is where I was five years ago: proud of the fact that I “didn’t see” color.

But it’s a lie. It’s also wrong.

To avoid seeing color is to avoid seeing the entire person. There exists a vast difference between acknowledging someone’s race and judging her because of it. Race and culture intertwine so, so closely that most times to deny race is to deny culture altogether. This is why so many adult transracial adoptees find themselves adrift in their late teens and early twenties – the world expects them to be one way and they simply don’t know how. They look Asian-American or Hispanic-American or African-American, but Caucasian-American parents raised them.

How confusing it must feel to many.

Most among our family and friends feel the Husband and I place too much emphasis on race and culture when it comes to raising our daughter. It’s not that we judge other parents for doing things differently… this is simply what feels right for our family. We find ourselves wondering why our attendance at a weekly Mandarin language class makes others feel so uncomfortable. Why do we feel bombarded with subtly disapproving comments about our choice of church (a local Chinese-American church) or our family traditions surrounding Chinese cultural holidays? We do nothing that contradicts our personal faith nor our family values, so why does it bother others so, so much? Some family members tell us that our daughter is a member of God’s family and THAT alone should be our emphasis. They disapprove of our decisions.

Fortunately, we realize that God chose us alone to be our daughter’s parents.

And, after three plus years raising my daughter, I do know one thing: people see color. My husband and I plan to do our best to help our little Tongginator navigate this truth. We also hope to help others learn that race matters in our family. I don’t want people to consider our daughter a pseudo-white person simply because my husband and I are her parents. She isn’t, nor will she ever be, someone other than who she is. A large part of her identity centers around the fact that she is a Chinese-American adoptee. To deny that is to deny her.

Ignoring her race won’t make it disappear. We’ve read the words of and spoken with too many transracial adoptees, now adults, who believe that the single largest area where their parents failed them involved forming a healthy racial and cultural identity. Seeing color, but not judging it, matters. That’s what I’d like for my daughter to experience.

I want others to see her color, but I want them to judge her character.

Wouldn’t you want the same?

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I’d seen the kiosks at the airports, and the ads in the magazines, but I have had no first hand experience with the Rosetta Stone. The press release for this offer states:

Rosetta Stone fully immerses users into the historical Irish language, recreating the instinctive language-learning experience with the help of vivid images and speech recognition technology. The easy-to-use platform allows users to learn Irish the same way they learned their first language and the program’s addictive quality helps users stay engaged and facilitates success.

And I have to say, they are exactly right. My husband (whose mother hailed from Ireland, therefore qualifying us for dual citizenship) and I sat down and did the entire demo together. The phrases pop up on the screen, and the user then clicks on the pictures.

Really get into the spirit of the Emerald Isle this St. Patrick’s Day, and go learn some Irish Gaelic!  Here’s the link for the  free trial of Irish Gaelic on RosettaStone.com/Irish from March 11 – 18, 2010.

Go n-éirí an t-ádh leat! (good luck)

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We missed our Sunday Showcase last week because of the Carnival. We’re back this week with a fabulous article from Uncharted Parent. She originally gave me this post,  How Much of Your Child’s Birth Culture Should You Incorporate into Your Home?, to showcase but after reading this one I couldn’t help but grab it for you. I loved it too much. Tracy is an insightful writer and obviously a mom who really thinks about adding  culture to their home life and assisting her daughter every day.

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Five minutes before I sat down to write a blog post yesterday, four-and-a-half year old “Emmie” and I stood on the pool deck of our local YMCA, waiting for her swim class to begin.  A dozen or so senior citizens finished their aquatic exercise class and climbed out of the pool, and Emmie and I moved aside to allow one of the men in the class to retrieve his towel and flip-flops.

After claiming his belongings, the man stepped in front of us and stopped.  He turned to me.  “Where’s she from?” he asked.

I hesitated, wanting to answer with the name of the town in which we live, or at least insert a common courtesy into the conversation—perhaps some form of greeting, like “Hello.”  But despite my intuition that I knew where this was going, I decided instead to try a more positive approach and view the question as an opportunity for education.

“Korea,” I said with a manufactured smile.  I noticed that I had begun to twirl Emmie’s ponytail in an unconscious move to draw her to me.  Don’t mess with her, my physical contact proclaimed.  I resisted another urge to counter-inquire where the man was from or why he didn’t ask the same question of the mothers of any of the white kids on the pool deck.

He nodded, and then actually thought for a moment before he spoke these next words: “The Koreans are hard workers.”

Oh, for the love of God.

“They always try to outdo the Japanese,” he added.

Yes, that’s why I got her, I thought.  Her middle name is “Hyundai” and as soon as she can read and do arithmetic, I’m going to set her to work designing super-efficient automobiles. Plus she can do lots of chores around the house.

I could almost feel my daughter waiting to hear how I would respond to this man, though I’m sure she couldn’t fully understand what he said.  I lifted my head and grew my smile.  “They’re individuals just like everybody else,” I said to him.

He stared at me for a few seconds, his mouth open in surprise.  Then he huffed—or was it chortled?—and walked away.  Which was just fine with me.

Folks, positive stereotyping is still stereotyping.  Asian kids—whether parented by Asian, Caucasian or any other race parents—often find themselves confronted by expectations that they will be exceptionally smart, hard workers who excel in music and math and will be docile and obedient to their parents.  But the truth, of course, is that many Asian kids don’t exhibit these characteristics, because they are not all the same.  Imagine the unnecessary pressure felt by a young child whose violin lessons are going poorly because, contrary to expectations, he has little ability in music, or because she just isn’t interested and won’t apply herself to the learning the instrument.  Kids in this situation face not just disappointment from the adults they respect, but carry the burden of allegedly letting down their entire race as well.

This problem is a common one.  Yesterday’s encounter wasn’t my first since adopting an Asian child.  Over a year earlier, in the same YMCA, I mentioned to a fellow mom whose teenagers were dancers that Emmie had expressed an interest in taking ballet classes.

The mom mentioned a few dance studios in the area that in her opinion offered superior training.  Then she nodded in Emmie’s direction.  “She’ll probably be good.  Asians are generally very good dancers.  I’m not being racist when I say that; it’s just true.”

If you feel the need to clarify your remarks with the statement that you’re not being racist, then guess what?  At the very least, you need to take a careful look at those remarks.

All kids face enough pressures just growing up in America today without saddling them with an  ill-informed list of achievements they are “supposed” to accomplish solely because of their race.

I hope, of course, that Emmie will turn out to be a smart, hard-working child (and later, adult) who excels at everything she tries.  But the truth is that she’s going to do well in some areas of her life and poorly in others.  She’ll have successes and failures, good traits and bad, just like the rest of us.  For the most part, I don’t yet know what any of those things will be.  And neither does anyone else.

Yes, Emmie is Korean.  But more importantly, she is a kid.  Any assumptions you make about her should begin and end there until you take the time to get to know her as a person.

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On the heels of the festival, I’ve been thinking about how thankful I am that our children are able to participate in the festivities going on across the country… thinking that I’m thankful they haven’t been left out just because they are orphans.  It also makes me think about groups like UNICEF, who actively promote the idea that children are best-off in their home cultures.  On the surface, I don’t disagree with that statement.  I often wish that these children could remain in their home countries instead of being adopted abroad.

However, there is one wish that supersedes my desire to see them in their home countries.

I want to see them in a family.

When that isn’t possible in their country of origin, international adoption can be a good answer.  And there’s one thing that I think UNICEF and others who loudly advocate for children to remain in their home cultures at all costs fail to acknowledge, as they are doing in Haiti now.  In most places, a child growing up in an orphanage isn’t experiencing the richness and beauty that their home culture can offer.

Children in places like our foster home are the exception, not the rule.  In many countries, orphanages barely have enough money to feed the children; certainly none left over to buy special items for a holiday feast.  Most holidays pass by unacknowledged in institutions, another date on the calendar filled with the same routines of institutional living.

I realize that holidays aren’t the primary hallmark of culture, but I’ve spent enough time in orphanages to develop one strongly held belief – a child who grows up in an institution is not necessarily growing up in their home culture; they are living in another culture all together.  And if escaping this culture means moving to a new country where a family accepts them as their own, teaches them their traditions, and even attempts – however haltingly- to celebrate the child’s heritage, then I think it is a move well made.

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Carrie lives in a small village outside of Beijing, China where she and her husband work with a foster home for orphans with special needs.  She blogs at Signs of Hope.

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I was so excited for her to come. It would open up so many opportunities for us – we would be able to learn about Korean culture from some one who lived it everyday, we would have an older child in the house and we would be able to meet some other parents because she would be involved in some things; her application said she liked to sing, swim, do art and drama and play the piano. While I found it a little odd that we had no recent pictures of her we were very excited for her to come.

She came and we talked for a bit when she got here. We learned that she was a complete and total introvert, she was scared to talk to ANY ONE. The only people she willingly talked to were the Korean’s at church (and we were told not to let her hang out with them because it could cause problems – we didn’t see the harm at first, now I see it). She was so rude to my 16 year old Goddaughter the weekend she came to stay in an effort to get Sunny to make friends that I decided that there would be no other students in our house unless they were invited by Sunny. We have encouraged her to invite her friends over and NONE come, not a single one.

We learned that even if unintentionally she would be untruthful with us about the foods she liked and we would have to hide food to have the things I needed to make dinner. So we took her grocery shopping with us not only to the regular grocery store BUT to the Korean grocery as well – the girl would not tell us at all what she wanted and when asked what she would like to eat she would not answer. Even if she would answer we have learned that we cannot trust the answer that she gives us. I stopped asking and resorted to hiding the food when necessary so that I would have it for meals or for the twins (who we bought it for).

We started asking around and learned that she may think it was rude to request food. So I kept an eye on what she would eat and tried to keep some of it around. We also learned that she was probably here because her parents expected her to be and not because she wanted to be (so in typical 15 year old fashion she is trying not to enjoy her time here to punish her parents).

She told us she wanted to sign up for some groups and things at school, so we talked about what may interest her and she decided to talk to her drama teacher and her art teacher. It is now months later and she has yet to talk to either teacher about signing up for any classes, and I am told by the teachers that I cannot just sign her up for the groups.

She then proceeded to ignore our whole family and spend whole days on the computer. Yes the whole day. I installed a program on the computer that would limit her time to 90 minutes and she ignored me for a week when I told her. She was furious with me. ONE week later she figured out a way around it – even though during the week when she was limited we were finally getting her to participate in the family. (She does not know it BUT I am spending Monday cleaning up the desktop….making her a user and Aaron and I administrators, and she will only be receiving an hour a day on the computer as she has no business being on the computer for 8 hours a day. So I am prepared to be the bad guy again.)

She acts as if she is in a boarding house and not a family — I figured that it was just her until this week. She decided she wanted to stay with a different family for the break. I didn’t allow that – she was FURIOUS with me. The family she wanted to stay with was Korean. I let her stay a few days but not the whole break. I also learned over break she has NO desire to learn anything about our culture — she is mad at one of the other Korean exchange students here because he likes so much about the American culture and is not being Korean….I tried to tell her there has to be a balance but she said no…

So next week I am trying something new…(1) I am going to record a show I think she may like and offer to let her watch it every night BUT she has to watch with Aaron and me; (2) she is going to be limited to ONE hour on the computer a day period – no exceptions; (3) we are instituting game night at our house — one night, one board game and (4) the one thing she enjoyed doing with me was cooking the Korean food, so we are going to have ONE night a week when we cook together….

Why am I doing this? because I will poke my eyes out if I have to deal with things the way they are until June when she goes home (June 4th is what she says but the program has not told me that yet…I am not sure that is her exact departure date….) SO things HAVE to change and if she is not going to change them I am…I am tried of the ignoring and the attitude (though I know most of that is teenager behavior).

Those of you with teenagers….HELP….what can I call teenager behavior and what is her being an introvert and what is her being pissed at us or her parents or whoever….

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In late February.  In China.

Those memories led me to later investigate the question: “do the Chinese celebrate Christmas in China?”  Well, the answer to that is yes and no.  A growing number of Chinese, especially young urbanites,  celebrate some version of Christmas in China, but the central part of the holiday – the religious celebration of Christ’s birth – is not typically acknowledged nor even known because less than 5% of the 1.3 billion people living in China identify as Christian.

The minority Christian population in China do strive to celebrate Christmas in much the same way that Christians in the Western world celebrate the holiday, but they often face religious persecution.  For example, last year, nine women in China’s eastern Henan Province were arrested on Christmas Eve for participating in a nativity play on a public street.  Candlelight worships services occur only in church buildings considered “safe,” but Chinese Christians often gather together in small groups in homes to celebrate Christmas Eve together.  Typically each attendee  receives a special gift bag containing candy (to remind them of the sweetness of God’s gift of Jesus), peanuts (to symbolize the eternal life one receives through Christ) and fruit ( a reminder of the fruits of the Holy Spirit).

For the majority of Chinese, Christmas is a non-religious time of gift-giving, decorations and family gatherings.  Chinese businesses definitely contribute to the fast-growing popularity of this very Western holiday: the commercial aspect is quite evident in most large Chinese cities, especially Beijing, Shanghai and Hong Kong.  What began in Beijing 25 years ago as a friendly gesture or business ploy to the many 老外, lao wai (foreigners), living in the city is now a common retail marketing scheme aimed at everyone, lao wei and Chinese alike.  Advertising campaigns stress the holiday custom of gift-giving, storefront Santas often pass out candies and restaurant waitresses don Santa hats.

Urban Chinese also often adorn their houses with Christmas decorations, most especially lights, lanterns and artificial Christmas trees called “trees of light,” which they decorate with paper chains, paper lanterns and paper flowers.  As during Chinese New Year, they will display bowls of oranges and tangerines, symbolizing prosperity and good fortune.  Children hang up muslin stockings in the hopes that 圣诞老人, Sheng Dan Lao Ren (Christmas Old Man in Mandarin, referencing Santa Claus), will pay them a visit.  On Christmas morning, the children typically receive new clothes and a few toys from their parents, alongside the small gifts that Sheng Dan Lao Ren left in their stockings.

Although most areas of China do not celebrate Christmas as a legal holiday, families often gather together for small celebrations at or around December 25.  Some will gather together for  caroling parties, although most will not understand the nativity story described in the songs.  Large international hotels will host Christmas Eve and Day buffets serving traditional Western favorites such as turkey and stuffing, although most Chinese families will serve food more reminiscent of a traditional Chinese New Year feast.  Ta Chiu, a Taoist festival, takes place on December 27th, so many gather together to celebrate that holiday, especially in Hong Kong.

For those families with children adopted from China, it’s fun to incorporate a few Chinese customs into the Christmas holiday.  Consider decorating with lanterns as well as lights.  Hang paper chains on your Christmas tree.  Place a large bowl of oranges and tangerines on your dining room table.  Include peanuts and fruits as well as candy in your treat dishes and Christmas stockings.  Also be sure to check out Norad’s Santa Tracker, which typically follows Santa as he flies along the Great Wall of China.

And remember to greet others with 欢乐圣诞, Huan Le Sheng Dan (Merry Christmas)!

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See I have been trying to figure out for some time how we are going to raise children who love two different cultures and countries, children who look at the world but are color blind and who love at least three different sets of people who raised them for different periods of time but loved them the same. I cannot ask my parents or even my in-laws as this is uncharted territory for everyone so we learn as we go, sometimes realizing too late that we messed up and we have to go back and fix it, but that is part of life right?

For the last few months we have been trying to combine both cultures right here in our house…something I thought would be easy but in reality it is pretty difficult. We choose to host a 14 year old Korean exchange student. See I only knew what I had read about Korean culture and it seemed pretty reasonable and easy to combine with our culture but now that I am living in the middle of it I am really not sure. Take for example that Koreans think it rude to eat with your fingers (making me wonder how many people I offended in Korea) but I didn’t realize the number of finger foods we ate in this house until it was staring me in the face. Or that Koreans take off their outside shoes at the door and wear special inside shoes around the house…something I thought I would love until said indoor shoes wake the twins every time without fail. And then there are more difficult issues such as you respect your elders so much you never want to let them down and so when asked about food to buy you will forgo what you want to respect the elders. And I could go on but I think everyone gets my point.

Combining the cultures is not as easy as adding one to the house and taking notes. There are definitely things that each culture does that make the other go “huh” (at least in our house). Also living with the culture (or living in the culture) is no where near the same as reading about it. We have found at our house that when a “huh” moment comes up it is best to discuss the “why” behind the action, by doing that we have learned more about Korean culture than any book could ever teach us (and hopefully she has learned about American culture that way as well). We also learned that while the cultures are VERY different, there are some areas where they are alike and that is good to know as well.

Having an exchange student is not for everyone and it is not as easy as it looks (especially when none of your children are the students age) but as long as they will let us, every couple of years we will keep an exchange student from Korea just to remind us about the aspects of the culture we had forgot and to fall in love with Korea even more!

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Okay, so it was easy to get my kids to taste fruit. But how could I get them to try the local fare? At home, it is pretty easy to get them to taste Italian, Mexican, Chinese and Japanese foods. Maybe that is because they are prevalent in our community and we frequently dine in those types of restaurants. Or maybe it is because of the familiar ingredients that they contain, such as cheese and noodles.

What if I wanted to get them to try Indian food? It is one of my favorites, and is usually saved for the rare occasion where we splurge for a babysitter. Why have we been keeping this delicious food to ourselves and not sharing it with our kids? Was it because we didn’t want to listen to the inevitable moaning and groaning of how they didn’t like their meal? Wait a minute – they have familiar foods in Indian restaurants, too. What about naan, a delicious flat bread that is wonderful with plain yogurt or the flavorful sauces that coat many of the other menu items? And who can resist Tikka Masala?

I decided that I would make an Indian (ish) dish at home, to see how my kids would respond. I really wanted to make Tikka Masala, but the recipe is quite involved and would have taken a lot of active cooking time. We have been really busy with after school activities, OT appointments and play dates, so I opted for a simpler version in my crock pot. I thought I’d go for a mild version this time around, to ease them into the new flavors.  I figure with some repeated exposure and seeing me drool with anticipation at the menu in an Indian restaurant, they might eventually want to see and taste what they have been missing!

Even though I could have predicted the outcome, I try not to have preconceived notions of how my kids will respond to food. I gave them each a tiny serving and waited to see what would happen. My daughter immediately scrunched up her face and said, “Mom, you know I don’t like saucy foods…especially with tomatoes.” To that, my son jumped in and said, “But I am a saucy guy, mom. I love it!”  Never one to shy away from a challenge, I topped their chicken with some plain yogurt, reserved from the recipe. My daughter liked that better, but said that she would prefer a dish where the all of the chicken was simply buried in yogurt. I made a mental note of that one and will try to get her help in creating something like that in the future…In the meantime, see how your family might respond to this dish. Enjoy!

Slow Cooker Indian Braised Chicken

By using a slow cooker to prepare this dish, you will be able enjoy a dinner that is ready when you return home from a day away!

1.5 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs
1 can diced tomatoes, drained (14 ounces)
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 onion, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon ginger, grated
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon garam masala (an Indian spice mix)
1/2 cup plain yogurt. lowfat
1/4 cup cilantro or parsley, chopped

1. In a slow cooker, add chicken, tomatoes, onion, tomato paste, ginger, garlic, coriander, and cayenne.
2. Season with salt and pepper, and stir to combine.
3. Cook on low for 6 hours, or high for 3.5 hours.
4. Stir in yogurt and cilantro or parsley, and garam masala.
5. Serve with long grain brown rice.

Servings: 4 (with some left for lunch!)

CALL THE KIDS:

• Drain the canned tomatoes. Add to slow cooker.
• Peel garlic and press with garlic press.
• Measure spices and yogurt.
• Use scissors to cut up parsley or cilantro.

Michelle Stern owns What’s Cooking, a certified green cooking school for children in the San Francisco Bay Area.  When she’s not teaching or in the kitchen, she is the full time taxi-driver to her two children, one adopted from Guatemala and one home-baked.

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• Seeing Color: Transracial Adoption
• Not so Perfect After All

This study included 468 adult adoptees of all races and ethnicities, with the largest percentage of participants being Korean adoptees (179 respondents). This is THE largest study to date of adult adoptee experiences… most other adoption research studies focused on the adoptive parent experience OR asked questions of young adoptees while their adoptive parents sat in the room.

Way to stifle their voices, y’all.

This time the study asked adult adoptees to answer questions concerning personal demographic information as well as two aspects of identity important to transracial adoptees: adoptive identity and racial/ ethnic identity, both concepts that center around the all-encompassing “who am I?” question.  Who am I as an adoptee, with ties to both my first, biological family AND my adoptive family?  And, for those adopted transracially, who am I as a minority person raised by Caucasian parents?

The results speak for themselves.  For the first time, those within the adoption community can point to valid research that supports the personal anecdotes we’ve heard for these past twenty years.  The study states that adoption issues are important over a lifetime, peaking not during childhood nor adolescence, but later in adulthood.  The importance of adoption did indeed increase during the adolescent years, but it continued to grow during young adulthood for both Korean and Caucasian respondents.  In other words, adoption is a life-long journey… it never ends.

The study also states that racism and discrimination shape the identity of transracial adoptees in a huge way.  The majority of Korean adoptee respondents (78%) stated that they “sometimes/ often/ all the time” experienced racial teasing, but only 22% stated that they faced teasing because they were adopted.  These Korean adoptees faced this racial discrimination in childhood and adolescence “sometimes/ fairly often/ very often” from strangers (80%), classmates (75%), friends (48%) and teachers (39%).  The study also stated that the transracial adoptees who reported less racial teasing came from more diverse communities and more functional families.  Still, 78% of the Korean adoptee participants reported that they considered themselves or wanted to be White as children, although the vast majority grew to identify themselves as Asian-Americans during adulthood.

The study also included a list of activities the adult transracial adoptee participants thought would be helpful in forming their identities as adoptees raised by parents of a different race.  Adoptive parents: sit up and take notice:

Travel to birth country (74% thought it would be helpful)
Attending racially diverse schools (73%)
Having childcare providers, teachers and adult role models of their same race/ ethnicity (73%)
Family travel to culturally significant places (72%)
Reading information on the internet (71%)
Living in a racially diverse neighborhood (70%)
Reading books and articles on adoption (68%)
Cooking ethnic food or dining at restaurants (68%)
Regular contact with people of their same race/ ethnicity (67%)
Exposure to multicultural entertainment (64%)
Take classes to learn the history/ culture of birth country (64%)
Have same-race siblings (63%)
Events by adult adoptees/ adult adoptee organizations (63%)
Support group for adoptees (62%)
Involvement in ethnically diverse religious and/or social groups/ activities (62%)
Culture camp (61%)
Study birth language (59%)
Events sponsored by own ethnic group (55%)
Have traditional objects (dolls, toys, etc) from birth country (49%)
Having contact with birth relatives (47%)
Study martial art, traditional dance, etc (38%)

My husband and I were very fortunate to hear Adam Pertman, the executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, speak about the initial results of this study last year. It profoundly changed the way we parent our daughter, whom we adopted from China in 2005.

I hope and pray that it gives significant food for thought for ALL adoptive parents.

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