Ramblings of a Soon-to-Be Adoptive Mother
Two days from now, I get to experience my first adoption day. I’m excited, nervous, and a little emotional over the whole thing. We have been awaiting this day since the end of March. We have had our little M since she was 3 ½ weeks old. She is now 15 months old (hard to believe) and I’m curious if our little family of three will feel different at all. We’ve treated her like she was ours from day one, although we were uncertain that we would get to become her forever family. We wanted her to feel loved like every child deserves. We fell in love with her and feel honored that we are given the opportunity to become her forever parents.
So, we finalize in just a few days in front of the judge, attorneys, caseworkers and our family. I’m trying to prepare my mind for how this day will change me.
Will it change me?
I’m just really curious what kind of impact this day will have on us, even though we have been waiting quite a while for it. The obvious changes will be the change of her middle and last names, the ability to travel out of state without authorization and the absolute permanency of our situation. But, I wonder if there will be even greater change.
Although I am beyond excited for our family and thrilled to finally and truly be able to call M our daughter, I still have some sadness in my heart for her birth family. It’s been about a year since we have had contact with any of them, not from a lack of trying. So, it just feels kind of weird to really finalize without any of them there and without knowing how they feel about it. Her birth family is so sweet, kind and they were very supportive of us during the time of her foster care. After hounding several case workers, I have finally been given contact info for us to stay in contact with her grandmother and siblings. I am so happy about that! I strongly feel that she needs to have that connection for years to come.
As I prepare for the next few days, I’d love to hear about how adoption finalization has or maybe hasn’t changed you. Whether you are a First Mom, Adoptee, or Adoptive Parent, I’d love to have some insight into how your outlook may have changed once the adoption was final, as well as some ideas on keeping all relationships in the triad positive for years to come.
Aubrey can also be found at Kingcade Kitchen.
I felt like Samuel’s mommy from the very first day, but having it be LEGAL was a major deal! We will not celebrate adoption day on a yearly basis as we want to just focus on him being our son, no “adopted” son, but I will always remember it! The next big thing for me was seeing the birth certificate with our names on it! HAVE A GREAT DAY AND GOD BLESS!
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Tracy ~ With all due respect, it’s difficult as adoptees to hear that adoptive mothers are excited to see their names on our birth certificates. Not to be mean, but you weren’t actually part of our births.
Aubrey ~ My adoption, 35 and a half years ago, has definitely changed me as a person. Honestly, I don’t know who I am, or who I was meant to be. I was abused by my adoptive father…and also by my mother (but not in the same way) and so, my feelings are a bit jaded. But the one thing I would tell you is that regardless of whether I had or had not been abused, the deep rooted feeling of loss and sadness would still be a part of my core.
With luck,
Cricket
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The timing of this post is funny–after reading it, I realized that four years ago we finalized our daughter’s adoption. It didn’t really change our day-to-day existence, but my mom told me after she was glad that the finalization was done & things were, well, final. I do remember being glad not to have to email our social worker every time we left the state :)
Enjoy the day!
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Cricket, I agree. I don’t like that our names are on our son’s birth certificates because we did not birth them. But, I do understand the necessity…if other/s names were on them we would constantly be questioned.
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Did you know that many adoptees are questioned about their amended birth certificates because, for whatever reason, they were not issued until over 12 months after they were born? These adoptees cannot even travel overseas because they cannot get a passport because their birth certificate is suspect. So basically, adoptees are treated like terrorists because of their amended birth certificates. Surely there is some kind of middle ground where the adoption is acknowledged without the adoptee losing their original name and identity.
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admin says:
“Cricket, I agree. I don’t like that our names are on our son’s birth certificates because we did not birth them. But, I do understand the necessity…if other/s names were on them we would constantly be questioned.”
Oh, by others you mean our NATURAL PARENTS??? That just totally bothers me that you could say it like that…like you can just erase the adoptee’s true existence like that. Ridiculous, in my opinion..and horribly degrading.
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“Oh, by others you mean our NATURAL PARENTS??? That just totally bothers me that you could say it like that…like you can just erase the adoptee’s true existence like that. Ridiculous, in my opinion..and horribly degrading.”
Cricket, I could just be swinging in the dark here and I hate speaking for others, however, I believe the admin was referring to legalities: being questioned by school officials or on passports, attempting to get medical care for their children or place their kids on their insurance… all the things that would require a birth certificate. If the adoptive parent’s names were not on them, then it might cause problems getting these services done because they couldn’t prove they were the legal parents and would therefore had the legal right to make decisions for these children.
At least that’s what I think she meant.
I am a PAP and I am not a fan of ammended birth certificate’s. I honestly do not understand why it cannot list both: the biological parents and the legal parents (adoptive).
It seems like the truth to me.
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Oh gosh! totally didn’t mean that. I hate that our son’s birth parents were taken OFF their birth certificates. THAT is what I meant! I really wish they were still on BUT, I understand why they were taken off. If they could still be on there I would have it that way. It is a birth certificate, not an adoption certificate.
Why can’t they list the birth parents on the birth certificate and the adoptive parents on the adoption certificate and then require both for proof? Makes sense to me but anonymity, of course.
So sorry for the confusion. I was trying to type from my phone. I don’t get to the internet until late at night anymore.
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Another perspective: There are literally thousands of original birth certificates that don’t have one or both of the birth parents listed because that information was not available. My kids state B.C.’s are “delayed,” their birth countries are listed. Even if the names were available, the birth parents aren’t listed. I think that’s fine. Legally I am their parent. Everything ties to the B.C. – school, sports, marriage, etc. I believe that is as it should be. The birth parents made the choice for an adoption plan. Yes, my kids WERE adopted and they are MY children. That said, we discuss adoption openly and frquently. We do and will help our kids with whatever they need to explore and discover.
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[...] we’ve settled in to our life as an official forever family of three! We have gone on impromptu across the state line trips, stayed with non-DHS approved [...]
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