DS2 left yesterday.

It’s not quite as dramatic as all that.  He went on a school trip, to the mountains for 4 days and 3 nights without us.  DS1 did this same thing a couple of years ago, but the stress level is a little higher for this one.  I just want him to succeed SO badly.  I want him to not only have fun, but make good choices and that is hard for him.  I know it’s hard.  He let me kiss him and hug him good-bye and even take a picture as he walked toward the bus (he wasn’t happy…but more a 6th grade thing than RAD I think)…and I knew that my hubby was right.

We had to let him do it.  We have to let him fail if that is what happens.

This is true in all parts of life for our kids.  I sometimes realize that hubby and I may be in the minority here.  It seems in today’s world we protect our children at all costs.  We step in to bring them the forgotten homework, we step in to call the parents of the kid who left them out of the game at recess, we run to their aid when they can’t pump the swing – but is that the lesson we want to teach.  I don’t know for others, but for us – it’s not.  I don’t get up early with my 8th grader.  He can do all the following on his own:  wake up to an alarm, wash his face, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, get dressed and get his stuff out the door to walk to school.  Some mornings I’m there if I happen to be up, but most mornings he’s on his own.  Guess what?  I can’t be at his dorm in a few years to do those things for him.

While at drop-off yesterday I was told that letting him do all that AND walk to school was uncaring (not the word that was used…a lot of clucking of the tongue and “how does he feel about that?”)…so I addressed it with him last night and his answer was “I’m fine with it…geez, it’s not like you are making me do something hard…it’s getting ready for school, I’ve been doing it for a long time.”  This morning when DD got us (can I just tell you how weird it is to only have ONE to get up with), I realized that while my body gets up with her still…she does it on her own.  I gave hugs and good mornings and reminders for choir and then SHE got her breakfast, packed her backpack with water and snack, and went upstairs to do the rest of her routine.  I have to say I’m proud.  My kids can do it on their own…and I never thought that saying that about ages 10 and up would make me feel different!

Attachment aside…they are healthy in their abilities and when it’s needed I take control.  They will leave me one day and it’s really not that far off (I feel sad about that today, but there are days…).  I remember a pastor years ago saying that  a parent’s job is to raise adults, because they won’t be children forever.  I like that.  I feel strange writing about this, because I spend a lot of time doing the small things.  For attachment I have to be in control a lot of times I wish I didn’t.  But, I have been moving away from that…for better or worse.