Grown in My Heart began as a dream, a concept, a spark in my heart  about six months ago. What I, as a blogger, wanted to create was a network and a community wherein everyone who has ever been involved in adoption could write, read, and comment without  prejudice or fear or being attacked.

And so far it has been good. But…

And one big but…

TO all you adoptees out there;

We are trying to understand and we are trying to change the way our children grow up:

This is not the era of closed adoptions anymore. Sure, international adoptions can be difficult but we try our hardest to incorporate culture and family. We talk to our children about adoption. We listen to them. We allow them to share their feelings.

Some things are just normal:

So, when we write about our feelings and about how difficult just raising a child is, well, that is just normal child rearing things. Take, for example, the post on Anger from last week. Gillian wrote about how she felt angry with HERSELF (not her daughter) because things were not what she expected.

I’m also angry because I don’t feel like her mother.  This dear little one, entrusted to my care doesn’t know that really, inside, it’s like I am babysitting someone else’s kid.

Honestly, that is normal. And, I felt the same way when I adopted my first son and he ended up being a SURPRISE special needs child. I was VERY angry at my situation. Did I take it out on him? HELL NO. But, I was ANGRY as HELL.

Would I have been angry with my situation if I had given birth to a special needs child? probably…and that is entirely normal too.

We understand about the lack of birth records!

In fact, I hate that I don’t have information on my children because they were adopted internationally (and yes, that was a choice). Sure, we have birth certificates and real names but I do wish we had their original birth certificates with their birth parents on them…they all say our name.

Some children don’t have a bright future on international countries or in the US unless adopted:

I know you may not understand this but there are children in the US and in international countries that may not have a future unless they are given the opportunity to live in a different home. Take, for example, my son. When we adopted him he was two and had no language, receptive or expressive. He had just learned to toddle, could not chew anything, could not suck, had no concept of attachment, had sensory needs that were both from neurological damage and from neglect. He has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Early Onset Bipolar, Auditory and Visual Processing Disorders, Sensory Processing Disorder, Visual problems (glasses and minor strabismus in one eye), Developmental Delay, and was diagnosed with Institutional Autism when he got to our home.

He has multiple allergies including oats, bananas, wheat, and dairy. Those were the staples in his diet in the orphanage.

When he was tested first tested parasites and bacteria he had worms as well as one of the worst cases of H Pylori our GI had EVER seen.

Now, how would he have fared if left in the orphanage in Russia? I’ll leave that up to you.

I don’t ever expect my children to feel grateful (and I don’t think most adoptive families do). We simply, very simply, want a family. And I am grateful to have a bigger, fuller heart.

Bottom Line:

Adoptive Parents are not the enemy. Really. Does anyone think about how we feel? We are trying to be the best parents we can (the very best) and when people tell us that our children secretly don’t like us or will one day not like us because they feel forced to love us that just hurts.

Do you know my child? Do you know that he gives me sloppy wet kisses in the morning and loves to cuddle? Do you know that he is very attached to his grandpa?

Yes, he is a special needs child. Yes, he fought us to attach but we do think he loves us. I love him so much that I couldn’t stand if he hated us for any reason. This morning as he got on his school bus he blew kisses and signed “I love you” and the bus drove off. It made my heart smile.

We want to learn from everyone:

But, if this is going to work on this site…tone down the flames. Grown in My Heart is about everyone having a say.