People Say the Darndest Things
I have a friend, a very good friend, who is 35 and pregnant. Yeah, I know that is not news. What is the news about her pregnancy is that she has a 16 year old and a 10 year old (who will both add another year before the new baby’s arrival) and for years has told people that her family was complete. Yes, this baby is a surprise but a good surprise. She and her family are excited about the impending arrival of their little bundle of joy.
She is noticeably pregnant now and the other night on facebook was complaining about the things people say to her now that they realize she really is pregnant. The one that annoys her the most is “don’t you know how this happens.” Her response to them “is it that surprising that a 35 year old woman is having a baby???? Or are people just shocked that a married couple is still doing what it takes to get pregnant in the first place???” I actually chuckled when I read that. And then I felt a lot better.
Recently, Aaron and I decided that in January we would start the process to adopt another child, through the foster care system in our state. I know that I am smack dab in the middle of the 2’s and will be in the 3’s before I know it, times 2, but that just makes me want another child more not less. The comments we have heard when we tell people that we will be starting the process again totally shock and amaze me:
“you already have a boy and a girl why would you want anymore?”
“isn’t two enough?”
“you know how crazy kids are at 3, why would you want to start another adoption now?”
“how are you going to afford that”
“do you know the kinds of problems a child from that system could have”
“I thought your family was complete”
I really wish I had a witty response like my friends. I love her response, but I have nothing. I usually just smile and nod and walk away wondering why I even opened my mouth. I have also made a mental note of all these people and they will not be hearing from us that we have a new family member. It is nice to know that that people say the darndest things to pregnant women expanding their family as well as me when I say we will be adopting again.
What have people said to you when you announced another adoption or even the first adoption? How did you respond?
Carissa has been MIA over at her own blog My Everyday Miracles, but hopes to be back soon!
Well, Miss Manners (I think) recommends, for any rude comment, taking a pause, and then saying flatly: “How very kind of you to say.” And then walk away or change the subject.
I modify that and just look at them confused for a moment, and then say: “…Thanks!” brightly with a huge grin and shrugging my shoulders. Like, was that a…compliment? (The Miss Manners way is probably more polite, tho…).
I am like you, if someone gives me a hard time about something, I never talk to them about it again.
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Ugh, I just don’t get people! I actually wrote a blog post (http://adventuresofabettycrockerwannabe.blogspot.com/2010/05/ten-things-to-not-say-to-adoptive.html) not too long ago about some of the crazy things people have said to me or people close to me who have adopted. It’s so frustrating, but I feel that it’s up to us as adoptive parents to educate the general naive (sometimes just plain stupid!) public!
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The ones I hate the most are the references to her “real mother.” What am I, chopped liver? How much do I have to do to get equal status? Just sayin. Actually I read an adoptee’s response to this recently. He said he tells people that “they’re both my real mother.” I liked that.
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LLJ, good idea but so hard to do in some situations. I usually answer the questions to educate people.
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