Am I virtuous?  According to Virtue Science, there are 44 virtues and according to Pope Gregory there are seven that offset the seven deadly sins.

You always hear “patience is a virtue” and I have been deeply wondering if I am virtuous in that regard.  This has begun to matter greatly to me as I realize that I am daily trying to teach my children to be good people…but what does that mean exactly?  In the realm of attachment it means to be responsible, respectful and fun to be around.  But, in reality – I feel it means being able to raise children with virtues.  So, I read the list of 44 and  I believe I show many of them daily.  However, which of these did I learn from my children?

Acceptance: To consider circumstances, especially those that can not be changed, as satisfactory.   I spent over two years feeling mad and disappointed at where my life as a mother of three was going.  In the thrill of complete transparency, I have lived for a long time without acceptance.  I always wanted something else…the grass is greener wherever I am not.  But, now I have learned to accept.  I have learned to take what is given to me and celebrate it – no matter if it’s what I wanted.  It’s what I’ve been given and I will find good in it.  I’m always thinking “find the silver lining” and guess what?  There always is one.

Defiance: Bold resistance.  People who have known me a long time would laugh at this one.  I guess I’ve always been defiant, I always stood up for what I believe.  However, having my children has allowed me to learn to resist even things that are within me.  I will resist the urge to give up.  I will resist this illness that wants to threaten my children and my family.  I will boldly resist the urge to run and hide…and I will declare what is going on and speak out for the others that don’t want to name it!

Flexibility: Adaptable, able to be changed to suit circumstances.  To say I used to be bad at being flexible is a huge understatement.  My kids have taught me that just because I want them to show love - simply saying it may not be the key.  I have to find a way to make them buy into the same thing I want and even worse, sometimes I have to give up what I want for just a few moments!  Yuck…I don’t like this one…but I’m happy to learn it from these little ones in my life.

Patience: The ability to endure delay, trouble, pain or hardship.  Wow, have I ever learned this one and the strangest thing is that my children obviously learned it first.  When I think of their lives before becoming part of our family I realize that they displayed great patience.  Just to live in their situations would have taken loads every day.  You don’t get food – be patient and have hope that it will come tomorrow.  The patience I have on a daily basis is nothing when compared to that and although I don’t like it all the time – they deserve to have a person show patience to them.

The ones I’m good at are the ones I’ll be best able to teach my kids:  caution, curiosity, determination, humor, industry, kindness, loyalty, obedience and most important to me – honesty.  In all honesty, these children will learn and be able to go forward and teach these things.  That is the virtue I love the most and one that I believe firmly my children understand – HOPE.

These virtues are vital to helping a child attach as well.  As I read through the various attachment websites and their list of resources, I continue to see the words “trust, love and hope”…a great list of resources at attach.org

Voni writes with virtue at http://www.kretzklan.blogspot.com.