Open to Open Adoption

As I turned into the parking lot, my palms were sweating and my stomach in knots. We were meeting them; the expectant couple who’d picked our profile from the many others on file with our agency. They’d picked our profile, and they wanted to meet us before the baby was born. They wanted to meet us to see if they wanted to pursue the possibility of an adoption placement for their daughter, possibly even an open adoption placement.

I saw a couple walk into the building, and found a parking space. I met my husband in the lot-we had both left work early for this meeting. We made our way in to the lobby and sat down, waiting. There were other people there, and I wondered, “Who was it that picked us? Who was it that wanted to see us in person?”

We were called back, and entered a room especially for this kind of meeting-it was no one’s office, there was no telephone or computer, it was a room for talking, without interruption. We saw our case worker, and the expectant parent caseworker, and then we were introduced to Jane and Geoff.

I had spent no time wondering what they looked like. I was surprised they were both tall. I remember being seated, and making small talk. For as monumental as the moment was, I don’t remember much about how the conversation started. We took turns explaining what brought us to the adoption table.  And after awhile, we were talking easily with each other. We met for about 90 minutes. I remember Jane telling us why she chose our profile. I remember my husband asking Jane and Geoff if they had to make a profile book, what would it look like. I remember, oddly enough, discussing the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Through that conversation, we discovered the fantastic world of Tyler Perry, and every time we watch a movie of his, we bring up the fact that it was Jane and Geoff who turned us on to them.

When we left that meeting, we felt good—good that not only would we be adopting the child ready to arrive, but good that we felt a connection with these expectant parents. That after debating about being “open to open adoption” on our application,  we would be more than willing to venture into an open adoption.  A few days later, we got an email telling us that Jane and Geoff felt the same way.

Four years and two children later, we still have an open relationship.  We know a lot more about each other now, than we did in that first 90 minute meeting. But that first 90 minutes laid the ground work for everything else that was to come.