On The Outside
Republished by Blog Post Promoter
Two Fridays ago, as I dropped off yet another immigration packet update at our agency, I stumbled into an adoption placement. The director of my agency and I shared smiles during the paperwork hand-off as a young couple became parents for the first time, just a few feet from me. During my brief, two-minute visit, I watched the faces of those standing in the room, so filled with joy and hope, absolutely awe-struck while gazing at this three-month-old infant. My heart filled with the wonder of the moment, especially as I flashed back to the hotel ballroom where I became a momma to the Tongginator.
It sounds cliche to say this, but my heart swelled with love while I watched this young, brand-new momma gently take this sleepy infant into her arms for the first time.
After a few seconds of silent observation, I quietly shut the office door behind me, then stood with my back to the door, absorbing the unexpected moment and storing away the memory. I felt privileged to view such a life-changing event. Then I smiled and walked out to my car, with – I must admit – an added spring to my step. When I climbed into the driver’s seat, I noticed another woman directly across the parking lot, fiddling with something inside her car.
She was crying… sobbing, really.
I paused and watched as she removed an infant carrier from her car’s backseat and placed it in the boot. Tears streamed down her face as she shut the trunk, then braced herself against her car for a few minutes while the tears flowed.
A moment in time – so fraught with joy inside the four walls of the adoption agency and so filled with loss outside of the building. I’m not sure whether this woman was the child’s first mother or a foster mother, but I know that she felt tremendous love for that infant. And a tremendous sense of loss as she said her goodbyes.
The tears streaming down her face told the story. And it’s not one I will soon forget.
Tonggu Momma also writes at Our Little Tongginator.
Thank you for sharing that story!
The adoption industry wants everyone to believe that adoption is a beautiful experience and that no one gets hurt. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
The adopted child suffers from losing his/her mother (the voice, smell, and touch for 9 months that he/she bonded to.) and then losing his/her foster parents that he/she began to bond to for months before being adopted. The confusion, sadness and sense of abandonment the infant suffers immediately upon separation and continues to grieve over for the rest of his/her life. (Body memories with no words to attach them to because these traumas happen pre-vocabulary.)
The natural mother and father lose their child because they cannot care for it or were convinced that they can’t. (They love their child and are doing what they believe is best.) They sometimes grieve this loss for the rest of their lives.
The foster parents lose a child that they have grown attached to and may have loved.
These are the realities that the multi-billion dollar adoption industry wants all you “good” adoptive parents to dismiss. You are their customers. They do not want you exposing their new customers to this reality. The money has to keep rolling in and they especially don’t want mothers to stop surrendering children (commodities) to them.
Even if children are lucky to be adopted into a loving home with wonderful adoptive parents, they have lost so much in the process. (A lot of adoptees have attachment disorders because of this loss.)
To dismiss adoption as anthing less than a traumatic experience is to invalidate the child’s experience. A child adopted as an infant will remember (body memories) this experience for the rest of his/her life.
[Translate]