Korea Chose Us
Korea — By Carissa on June 7, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Republished by Blog Post Promoter
We spend a lot of time with native Koreans now that we have Little Man and Little Princess at home and they love to ask questions about our adoption and I have an answer for all but one. The one that I have no answer for worries me – more than many people realize and it is pretty much the first question out of every native Korean’s mouth when they feel comfortable asking questions. They ask us “why did you choose Korea?” and my mouth goes dry and I become speechless (which if you know me is VERY unlike me).
Why can’t I answer this question? Because we didn’t choose Korea – we choose Vietnam and when Vietnam closed we took it very hard and let our social worker lead us to Korea for all the wrong reasons (sooner referral, the ability to have our child escorted) and the right reasons (steady system that had been in place for years, none of the emotion that had been in Vietnam, good medical). Then Little Man and Little Princess happened – not because either of us were looking for them. I had been in contact with their social worker prior and that set of twins was adopted before we had a chance to even look at them, so she knew me and knew what “special needs” we would consider and she knew I would fight for my children’s rights. When out of the blue she contacted me, we actually had the option of Ethiopia or South Korea – because I knew South Korea had better initial medical I choose to look at the set of twins from there first, believing I would soon be looking at the set from Ethiopia. The information their social worker had given me made me tell our social worker that I doubted we would say yes, in the end we learned their social worker’s information was outdated. Once I had Little Man and Little Princess’ paperwork, they chose us. We fell in love with them when we read their medical – we loved that they were obviously fighters and how cute they sounded (initially I asked for no pictures, in the end the doctors wanted them so I had to ask for them)! When we saw their pictures we knew that was it – six doctors and a verbal acceptance later we realized that Little Man and Little Princess chose us. After that we were in high gear learning about a country we knew so little about, and the minute we walked off the airplane in South Korea I knew my life was forever changed. By the time we left, Aaron and I loved the country so much that we have discussed moving there for a year or two when the children get older. This country is a part of me for now and always…given the option we would choose Korea over and over and over again.
How do I explain all of this to not only native Koreans BUT some day my children? For right now, I collect myself and pretty much tell the above story, starting out by saying Korea chose us. By the end most of them get it and understand what I am saying, but I wish I had a better way to say it or that I had loved Korea all my life (as I had Vietnam). The Vietnam story is the perfect one or so I thought and the Korea story is well our fairy tale ending. They both start out with my love of foreign cultures and how that is why we chose international adoption – but they end so differently.
How did you choose domestic or international and if you chose international how did you choose what country to adopt from? And if asked by a national of that country what do you tell them?
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9 Comments
I had the same experience. When I began my adoption process, it was Russia that I was going for. BUT, God had different ideas. Every time I tried to connect with the agency people handling Russia, they were out or unavailable. A very nice lady kept answering my calls and trying to help me. Finally, one day, she asked me why I didn’t consider China. That I was perfect for their program. She was the one in charge of that program! I switched directions at that point.
Carissa, your situation is similar. You thought you were going in one direction, God had a different plan in mind. So, when people ask you, just say God chose Korea for us.
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Actually, I think you said it perfectly! It’s a lovely story, it’s their story (and yours) and, most importantly, it’s the true story. We also started wanting another country (also Vietnam) and then gave up waiting for them to open and chose China. Had we not waited (and waited and waited) we would not have the very sweet girl we have now. A reason for something, although the journey was a hard one.
Honestly, I love your telling of this. If it was me, this is the way I’d tell my children. That is extremely close to what we are going to tell our little one – of course, subbing China for Korea! (Which, btw, we did look into also when researching a new program but we were not eligible for.)
Cheers, Kiy
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hi carissa!
thanks for sharing how you “landed” on Korea. we get similar questions, too. it’s hard to know what to say. since our story is similar – VN first and then S.Korea, it helps to hear your perspective. adopting from Korea doesn’t feel like it was our second choice – but it’s hard for me to even put into words why that is – i’m not actually sure that i can! it was excruciating to give up VN, but now that we are here, i know this is where God had planned for us to be. in the same way, when i look at my sweet baby’s face, i know he is the baby we started praying for 6 years ago.
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Our story is somewhat similar in that we believe God led us to South Korea too. We are early in our wait for a referral for a little girl. Having already 3 biological children of our own, our question regarding our choice to adopt was more of when not where. Do we wait until our children are older (right now they’re 10,8 and 5) or do we do it now? We’ve always had the dream to adopt from China and decided we wanted all of our children to grow up together and it was better to begin the process sooner than later. We had our hearts set on China and initially we were okay with the wait. Early one morning in my classroom while waiting for my students to arrive I was researching China referral wait times and began to find research indicating that wait times could reach 5+ years! I called my husband immediately and we decided to hold off with our current agency which was projecting a wait time of only 2+ years. We felt like the rug had been pulled out from under us, China just felt “right” to us and we didn’t know which direction to go now. Later that same day my first graders came to class (I’m an art teacher who sees many classes through the day) and one of them a shy little Asian girl named Emily – looked up at my art display board with all of the multi-cultural art displayed on it and asked why I didn’t have Korea up there. It was like having God speaking right to me! I knew Emily was adopted I had just always (incorrectly) assumed she may have been adopted from China. She told me she was born in South Korea. I told her she was right I didn’t have any Korean art and I should! (note: I have plenty now!) As soon as her class left I hopped on Google and searched for agencies in our area that handled South Korean adoption. I found an agency that somehow we had never found previously and we are now on the waiting list to adopt. We are so excited about adopting a child from South Korea and have already begun to teach our children about Korean culture. We sincerely believe that the Lord led us to Korea through little Emily. I’ll never forget that moment in my classroom, ever!
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I definitely have an easy answer and I really REALLY appreciate having that easy answer for the reasons you stated – it just comes in handy! But it isn’t the real answer because my real answer is very much like your’s. All kinds of crazy things happened that led us to Vietnam right when it was opening and right after we had laid to rest any pursuit of an adoption plan. And even though we *also* have much more “explainable” reasons, things just really came together in the most magical and miraculous way that has nothing to do with the obvious explainable reasons. I don’t think the experience of coming together with your child is something that you can possibly explain. You have to live it to understand it.
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Carissa,
My story is also much like yours but my dream was China and my children ended up being in Vietnam. We actually waited until after 30 to even consider adoption because the minimum age requirement for China was 30. I knew when our door to China closed and subsequently Vietnam reopened to the US it was meant to be. When asked why Vietnam now I know it’s because my children were there. Now I have such a love of Vietnam, the children and the people that it has become my passion. I sometimes think maybe this is why I was called to Vietnam; maybe I am meant to do more then I originally thought.
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I think it’s okay to be honest. I also think that how you explain it to people from Korea should be the same as you would explain it to anyone. Saying something like “Korea Chose Us” is vague, and might be confusing for people outside your experience. I think it’s okay to explain your process because it doesn’t diminish God’s hand in the whole thing, or how much you now value your kids and their culture. Parenting is so rarely perfectly planned – life never works that way, does it? From infertility to surprise pregnancies to adoption plans, so few of us have had it all go according to plan. But I think it is good to be open about it.
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