Just Trying to Get Coffee…
Republished by Blog Post Promoter
Several years ago, when the Tongginator was two-and-a-half, a man chased me down in the parking lot of a popular bookstore to ask me, “Where is she from?” A rather awkward conversation ensued, with him rambling on and on about how the Chinese hate girls and how he and his wife do everything they can to help these poor little orphans and the stunning beauty of Asian and South American girls. A tremendously icky feeling grew in my stomach as I tried to politely extract myself and my daughter from the situation. Our “chat” – for lack of a better word – finally, blessedly, ended when the man handed me his business card, then reached down to pat my daughter goodbye on her leg. Before I could yank the stroller back from his evil clutches, the Tongginator – being the Tongginator – yelled loudly at him, “I don’t like that! Please don’t touch me!”
At 31 months of age. THAT is my Tongginator. Heh.
Yesterday, as I dragged my now five-and-a-half-year-old Tongginator into a local coffee shop, a man surprised me from behind, asking quite bluntly, “Where is she from?” I turned and looked at him for a minute with a raised eyebrow before sharing the name of our town, then adding, “but she was born in China.” When he asked further intrusive questions, I asked the Tongginator if she wanted to share any information with this man. She shook her head no, so I explained to him that my daughter doesn’t typically want to share her personal life with strangers.
The conversation that followed in no way mimicked that long ago encounter which left me feeling so very icky. As I stood, waiting for my over-priced coffee, I deflected and minimized as much of this man’s uneducated, obnoxious drivel as possible. I used the ever-effective tools of “that’s private – I’m surprised you felt comfortable asking that question” and “China is changing in many ways and very rapidly” before eventually just ignoring any and all of his attempts at conversation. Before he walked away from me, he pulled out a business card from his wallet.
And that’s when I realized that it was the same man from before.
He hadn’t changed a bit, but I had. The Tongginator is not the only one who made remarkable progress these past three years. So have I. I still have a long way to go, but I’ve at least started down the path. I’m not just a momma to my daughter… I’m an advocate for her. I’m teaching her, as best I can, that she controls her information when faced with intrusive questions… that she can choose to establish boundaries, share or educate others about adoption…
And, when all else fails, that she can ignore them completely.
When Tonggu Momma isn’t glaring at strangers in coffee shops, she can be found writing all about life with a five-year-old terminator from Tonggu County at Our Little Tongginator.
That coffee shop obviously has a too-high idiot quotient.
[Translate]
Way to go!
[Translate]
What do you think this guy wanted?
[Translate]
Good for you! I love that, “that’s private – I’m surprised you felt comfortable asking that question.” Great in so many situations!
[Translate]
Way to go, Momma! And may I add a hearty “way to go” to the Tonginnator. It’s not every child that recognizes there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.
[Translate]
You rock, mama!
[Translate]
That man is seriously creepy – and both you and the T have grown! Just think of the tools you are teaching her for when she is off on her own. FABULOUS!
[Translate]
Wow. I guess these are some things I can ‘look forward to’…
Great comebacks for the asshat though. :)
[Translate]
My god.
[Translate]
I’m so glad I read your stuff! I tell you what, I am way too nice. I am from the south you know! It would never have occurred to me, not to be nice and answer questions. It will now! Although, we have never been accosted by anyone in that way, but we do get some questions, from strangers that are definitely pointed. My sweetie has obvious disabilities and the adoption questions lead to questions about that and a lot of that SHOULD be private. Thank you.
[Translate]
I love how you empower your daughter. You are a very impressive Mom. I haven’t had many creepy questions yet, but we are sticking pretty close to home right now.
[Translate]
I can’t believe it was the same dude!! You’d think he would have caught the hint LAST time. Evidently not.
[Translate]
Fairly new to your blog but I have to comment to say WAY TO GO!!! I hope I can handle similar situations as well as that as my daughter grows.
And that’s kind of freaky weird that it was the same guy.
[Translate]
Finally….I have a response other than ‘back off asshat!’, ‘do I know you?’ or ’she’s from the planet purpletron’. Geez. I like your “that’s private – I’m surprised you felt comfortable asking that question.” And…I LOVE that you asked the Tongginator what she wanted to share…that’s just perfect.
M.
[Translate]
GREAT response! Good for you!
I once got into an argument with someone in Target about whether or not my boy/girl twins were identical! :) Too funny, in retrospect.
[Translate]
Ugh. That is super creepy. But it reminds me of the stupid questions I used to get as a kid. From NON creepy people. None of your f-ing business!
[Translate]
[...] I wish I had heard Tonggu Momma’s response, ” That’s private, I’m surprised you’re comfortable asking that [...]
[Translate]
Wow. We have the same guy in our city. Made the hair on the back of my neck stand up – major red flags. DD is not old enough to state her boundaries, but I sure as hell am!
[Translate]
I LOVE IT! “That’s private and I’m surprised you felt comfortable asking!” LOL I’m stealing that one.
[Translate]