I got slapped in the Face(book)
Feature, Same Sex Adoption — By Jeve (aka John and Steve) on October 27, 2009 at 7:21 am
And grrrrrlllll did it leave a mark on my supple near-flawless Asian skin.
Last week there was a surprise in my Facebook inbox:
Subject: How are you doing????
“Haven’t heard from you in a very long time and have thought about you often. Would like to get some updates from you and your life. That is if you still want to know me. Your dad – Mark”
Some of you may remember I came out of the closet to my father a few weeks ago. Well technically, I came out to my stepfather, whom I refer to as my dad. The above email is from my (are you ready for this?) BIOLOGICAL FATHER!!! He divorced my mother when I was just a little tyke never to be heard from again…that is until NOW (cue dramatic music). Trust me when I say there were ways he could have contacted me before now.
I’m completely thrown off by this in the same way I was thrown off by the Shake Weight exercise tool. I mean here I am happily carrying on with a traditional workout routine for my arms and chest, and then, out of the blue, the world as I know it comes to screeching halt when a new tool is introduced. I question the tool’s relevance. Am I just opening myself to pain and scrutiny when I discover this tool is not what I think it is. Do I need my Shake Weight Tool of a father jerking me like this?
The fact that Mark signed the email as “Your Dad” really irks me. A bit presumptuous dontcha think? Who was there to throw the ball around? My stepdad. Who was there when I got my braces? My stepdad. Or taught me to drive? My stepdad. If Kanye West had anything to say about it (and he usually does) he would push Mark off the stage, denounce his self-proclaimed title, whilst crushing all hope and publicly claim that it is my stepfather who deserves Best Video…I mean the title of “Dad”. No apology this time.
And it doesn’t stop there. Mark’s profile features a photo with his new family including a pre-pubescent son. I HAVE A HALF-BROTHER! (cue dramatic music once more please). I just can’t take it. If that ain’t a slap in the Facebook then I dunno what is. It’s like I’m freakin’ Princess Leia in Episode IV of Star Wars.
Whatever. If anything, this whole saga just reinforces what being a father really means to me. No matter what happens in Steve and I’s own quest to fatherhood, whether only my embryo takes or only his, I know deep down in my heart that I will love that baby and be the best father to it to the very end. I’ll never abandon it- ever!
What do you guys think I should do? I haven’t responded yet. Perhaps I’m being too harsh? Have any of you been “slapped in the Face(book)”- good or bad?
Tweet This
Digg This
Save to delicious
Stumble it
6 Comments
Wow, that’s a toughy.
Do you WANT to respond?
[Translate]
I know you have every right to be angry at the man, but why not tell him…rather then the world, and tell him you don’t feel comfortable calling him DAD. But as a first mother who found her daughter, I did not find her because she was Jane, a teen-ager who lived in Wisconsin, I found her because I was her mother. And she was my daughter. (And yes, she was Mary’s daughter too.)
So let him explain himself but don’t hang him for calling himself Dad. If he was just some guy named Steve, he wouldn’t have gotten in touch with you.
[Translate]
I only know what I would do….my stepdad is my dad for all he has been through with me so therefore biology means nothing especially since he hasn’t had any contact up to this point. I don’t even think I’d want to know this man, except to know my half brother maybe, but since I have 4 other brothers I would leave it in his court to contact me if he wanted a relationship with me as a sister….”DAD” blew it he had his chance! THIS IS JUST MY OPINION!
[Translate]
I wish more than anything to get to meet and know my biological father. If a relationship cannot be formed, at least we would have some sort of connection.
It stings to see a biological parents have other children. My n-mom had four other children. (One older than me.) But, I still love her as my mother. We have a surface-level and sometimes distant relationship, but we have a relationship.
I say: Give your biological father a chance. We only get one ride on this orb.
[Translate]
Follow your heart. I have no idea what to tell you other than that. Of course I think I know what I would do but I really don’t. “sperm donor” might have been a more appropriate way for him to end the letter. He does have some nerve referring to himself as your dad. Good luck.
[Translate]
I haven’t been slapped in the facebook, but I know that life is waaaay tooo short. I cannot tell you what to do, but i can tell you what I would do. I would breathe and take the opportunity to get to know this man, whose blood runs through your veins. i am sure you have many questions and he may not be the same person he was when he left you and your mom. Plus, bonus you have a half brother. I am just recently in reunion with my bmom who is very sick and I am grateful for what I have. Good Luck!
Kristine
[Translate]