Contact in Open Adoption
Domestic, Feature — By Michelle on August 29, 2009 at 7:17 amOne area of open adoption people are most curious about is the area of contact–contact, specifically with my children’s birthmother. Open adoption doesn’t always mean frequent contact, in person contact or easy access to the birth or the adoptive family. Open adoption simply means that identifying information has been exchanged and that contact between the birthfamily and the adopted child may be possible.
The agency that we adopted our children through promotes open adoption–all three sides of the adoption triad (birth families, adoptive families and the child) can benefit from knowing more about the others involved. Exchanging information, even if a contact schedule isn’t devised, means that the adoptive parents can find the birth family if a medical issue comes up. It means that the birth family can ask for pictures, or simply an update on the child. It means the child can ask questions directly to the people involved in his birth and adoption story.
In Our Case
In our case, we started out using our agency to mediate. Before Macey was born, we met her birth parents at the agency, and chatted. We exchanged first names, and talked about the possibility of proceeding in an open adoption, The meeting went well, and our social worked contacted us after the meetings, saying that Jane and Geoff were pleased with the meeting and wanted to talk baby names. We emailed back and forth, through our social workers, until Jane went to the hospital for the scheduled c-section.
After the placement was complete, we exchanged email addresses. We had our first phone call to Jane during our post-placement visit. We set our first in-person meeting to be at the agency when Macey was about 5 months old. After that meeting, we felt comfortable enough to meet in public, without the agency mediating. We exchanged phone numbers, and ever since, have been maintaining contact on our own.
As technology has progressed, so has our contact. For the past 18 months or so, I’d say about 75% of our contact has been via text messages. We tend to meet in person about every other month. It’s a low stress, low pressure sort of affair, whether we take the kids to the zoo, meet at the mall or go to a baseball game.
Do issues come up? Sure they do. But the benefits far out weigh the negatives. I love that more than likely, my children will always have an idea of who their birthmother is. That there will be no great search, that there will be no wondering about what she is like. If they have a question, they can go straight to the source.
In Other Cases
In other cases, contact is not as frequent or as informal. Adoptive parents may not even meet the birth family, they may just be given last names of the birth parents. They may have just enough information to present to their child when they are older to initiate a reunion. Others may have contact that is mediated through the adoption agency–phone calls are made with a social worker, mail is sent through the agency to either party, or visits take place solely at the agency.
On important detail when embarking in an open adoption is that it means that contact can occur. It doesn’t guarantee that it will. Adoptive parents aren’t under any legal obligation to send updates about the child. Birth parents aren’t under any legal obligation to update their information or check in with the agency or the adoptive family. I have to believe though, people involved in an open adoption have a better chance of meeting again down the line and that the children adopted in an open adoption may have more of their questions answered.
More thoughts and viewpoints on Open Adoption: http://open.adoption.com/, http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/openadoption.php
Originally posted 2009-04-05 21:35:10. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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1 Comment
My family has an open adoption with my sister’s twins and I am so happy that it is going well for you. It makes me feel positive about the future of our relationship with the twins and their new parents. We let them take the lead but we are always here for whatever they need (it was an older adoption). I know that on both sides we get nervous sometimes but I truly believe we are all putting the kids first. In our case this was the best situation. Our agreement was for regular contact with thier cousins (my kids) and as time goes by contact with their birth mother. We have also agreed to an annual meeting at the least (we are across the country). I can’t wait! Adoptive parents are wonderful. Thank you and all adoptive parents out there for opening your hearts to babies and kids and giving them the very best.
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