Grown In My Heart » Marcie

13 Things I want to teach my boys

Marcie — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 12:32:45 +0000

This is for Notes from the Trenches who is working on a project… Things I Want to Teach My Two Boys

1. To be smart with money and always earn money in an honest manner.
2. To love a woman so deeply she will never question it.
3. To value education.
4. To respect others opinions, things, and feelings.
5. To honor tradition and special moments.
6. To work hard and play hard.
7. How to take risks.
8. How to know when to listen and when to speak.
9. How to relax and be a kid.
10. To think creatively and constructively.
11. To appreciate the little things people do and know that that is what makes the big things work.
12. How to work as a team.
13. How to be a family.

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Why We Celebrate Adoption Days

Marcie — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 16:11:56 +0000

Adoption Days, Gotcha Days, Family Days…whatever you may call it…we celebrate them. And, we do it in style. Yes, go ahead, crab and moan. Bitch at me. Call me a horrible adoptive parent because I am not honoring his birth parents. But Damn it we are going to celebrate it.

My son’s adoption day was one of the most important days in our family because it was the day we gained our first son. It was the day that we finally, finally, after struggling to have children, after going through the adoption process, after being told NO in a Russian court, that a Russian Judge said we could finally become a family. And, I got to take my son from the only place he had ever known (yes, how horrible) and promise to love him forever.

We married our son. We promised to love him, cherish him, teach him, guide him, make him the best person he could be. We promised to provide medical care, an education, safety, an a warm and loving home.

And most of all, we promised to love him “all the time, every day” no matter what his moods, no matter how we feel, no matter what each day brings for us.

Our adoption day is a celebration of that. His birthday is the celebration of his birthmother and his entrance into life. Mother’s Day is the celebration of both his mothers; the one who bore him and the one who raises him. His adoption day is his celebration into our family. There is a difference in our home and we celebrate all of them.

The most wonderful thing is that he is starting to recognize the difference in all three and he loves that he can share them with everyone.

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn’t grow under my heart,
But in it.

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A Thousand Words

Marcie — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 12:38:25 +0000

I’ve been getting sentimental these last few days because I know that in just a few weeks I will be breathing in the warm scent of my new son. However, nothing can compare to those days and weeks leading up to AJ’s adoption.

I came across this photo this afternoon and it stopped me in my tracks. It was in my most used photo folder on my desktop but I had passed it by so many times lately. Today I stopped and looked. He didn’t look like the same kid. So much so that I spent 30 minutes looking for a picture to prove that our representative in Russia had sent us a picture of the right child.

Of course, I knew it was him…his number was 4 and he has the same gnawed fingernails and scar on his eyebrow. But, he just seemed so peaceful, so content, so NOT my AJ.

But as I started looking through pictures that is all I found…peace. In every photo of him I see a happy child. I see Sasha, the orphan who is not really an orphan I see my son. He is content, delightful, witty, goofy, and fun.

And they say a picture tells a thousand words.

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The Packing List: Adoption Trip

Marcie — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 12:33:41 +0000

Preparing to travel to an international country can be daunting. I know it was when we traveled to Russia but the second time around was much easier . It was actually scary the first time we went. By now traveling is easy for us. We have been to Thailand, Russia, Mexico, England, and my husband travels to Germany frequently. But traveling to meet or bring home a child is entirely different. When we first traveled to Russia we had months to prepare and we put our suitcases in our guest room and put our essentials in there when we purchased them. It worked great. This time, however, we had only a few days and our items are all over the house (and AJ got into everything). We also had Christmas and entertaining to deal with making it even more stressful. But, somehow we made it all work…and then we slept on the plane.

Packing Essentials for Internatinal Trips

For the Babes or older children (this list is dependent on age but is geared for 0-3):

Child Clothing: Outfits in several sizes…don’t count on measurements being correct. In Russia measurements were not correct. At this point I don’t know if measurements are correct or not because I was there when they took them and they were, obviously, correct. Ere on the larger side if you don’t want to take several sizes and hit the garage sales!

On the first trip take clothing that is about the same size and leave several other items for the foster mom (or in future case, the orphanage). Additionally, take items such as toys and small gifts for them as well.

I highly suggest taking a sling for the little ones (Try http://BabyLoveSlings.com or for the older ones, try a The BabyWearer to get an idea on which one might work best. A stroller is also handy for moving about but the slings/hammocks are essential for airport use when a stroller can be checked and stowed away. We opted to use a stroller bag and check ours when we came home from Russia and it allowed us some freedom in the airport. AJ was in the Hip Hammock and Eric carried the backpack and carry-on.

Baby Food: Bibs, Playtex bottles and disposable liners, nipples that match the age/developmental age of your child, pacifiers, something to chew on if needed, (in Guatemala you should purchase the formula in country),

Toddler Food: rice cereal, baby food, Cherrios, graham crackers, teddy grahams, oatmeal, baby gold fish, gerber fruit snacks, etc.), 2 disposable sippy cups and disposable bowls, disposable spoons and forks, disposable bibs, formula dispenser and previously stated bottles, as many are still on formula and is used as a supplement.

Misc.: Diaper bags with scented powder (this is essential in a hotel room if the child has bacterial infections), disposable changing pads for travel, formula dispenser, snack caddy, travel toys, pictures of family and foster mom, baby shampoo (chose the most gentle and non-toxic to avoid allergic reactions), alcohol swabs and band-aides, neosporin, toothbrush and toothpaste, bottle brush, Dawn dish pads (these are disposable and travel wipes that are activated with water), Huggies washclothes, hairbrush, nailclippers, Benedryl for the plane (controversial but in my opinion, a must), A blanket to leave with the foster mom (trip one), disposable cameras to leave with the foster mom (trip one),

Clothing: Booties or socks, Hat for the sun or infant hat to keep the warmth in (depends on the age of your child), Warm blanket and receiving blankets for swaddling, clothing (onesies, sleepers, warm clothing, burp cloths, shirts, pants, etc. Bring more than you anticipate them wearing and put several outfits in Ziploc bags for the plane ride home (shirt, pants, socks, diaper, wipes, and disposable changing pad). Place these in your carry- on for easy access. When you need to run for a diaper change all you will need to do is grab the Ziploc, kiddo, and go. This was super handy for us because AJ actually soiled several outfits while on our trip home from Russia. We had three Ziplocs handy and he went through all three.

For Mom and Dad:

Sandles, tennis shoes, 2 pairs of pants: khakis and yoga pants, one pair of jeans (although it is not customary to wear them. I wore khaki cords), pajamas, t-shirts, long sleeved shirts, sweater, jacket, undies, and socks. It is customary to dress nicely and present yourself well. Wear makeup, do your hair nicely, and basically present yourself well. Foster mothers want to see the children going to good homes and people who take care of themselves will most likely take care of their children. (However, don’t go down there being flashy because that is not welcomed either.)

Misc: Antibiotics, Tylenol, prescription meds, entertainment, books, toys, etc.

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What is Auditory Processing?

Marcie — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 11:24:10 +0000

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Auditory Processing, like visual processing, can be difficult to diagnose. In fact, auditory processing most often goes hand in hand with visual processing disorder because they are both neurological disorders and the problems actually overlap in the areas of memory, discrimination, attention, and language. Most often, these disorders are treated simultaneously or if a child has one of the disorders but not the other he/she is treated with the same strategies that one might use for both.

Note that children with APD usually have normal hearing ability. However, they experience an inability to process verbal information and have a processing failure and do not process what is being said to them. Although they may be able to repeat back to you they may not understand anything you said to them.

What is Auditory Processing?
Simply put, Auditory Processing Disorder is the in ability to correctly process or interpret auditory information. Children with APD often do not recognize subtle differences between words, sounds, are unable to filter in noisy environments, are able to only concentrate on one auditory input at a time, and can be easily overstimulated or confused by many sounds because they don’t know what to focus on.

Symptoms:
* Have trouble paying attention to and remembering information presented orally
* Have problems carrying out multistep directions
* Have poor listening skills
* Need more time to process information
* Have low academic performance
* Have behavior problems
* Have language difficulty (e.g., they confuse syllable sequences and have problems developing vocabulary and understanding language)
* Have difficulty with reading, comprehension, spelling, and vocabulary

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Steven Curtis Chapman’s Daughter Dies

Marcie — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 11:00:39 +0000

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

I don’t know how to summarize the death of Chapman’s daughter so I would like you to read People’s summary of the tragic event.

Maria Sue, 5, was adopted from China.

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That Scar on Your Eye

Marcie — Sat, 15 May 2010 12:20:57 +0000

I was watching you as you slept tonight, wondering when you would wake up to cough or catch your breath. You have that raspy breathing that I am listening to right now in the monitor.

I am picturing you in your brand new fire engine pajamas that I ran out to get you tonight. You have grown so much in the last two months that none of your winter PJ’s fit and its cold in your room…too cold for summer pajamas, especially since you are sick. I went to the store just before dinner and got you new ones; fire engine, bulldogs, and a bear. You chose the fire engine to wear tonight. I should have guessed.

But, as I was stroking your head to lull you asleep I gazed at the scar on your forehead. It was from the first Thanksgiving you spent with us. You slipped on a magazine in front of Grandpa Pickel’s TV and hit your head so hard it didn’t even bleed. It sure left a scar though. You threw up that night too; all over me.

And I looked at the scar from three weeks ago (in the same spot) from where you ran into Uncle Clark’s table…and the bump from today when someone at school pushed you down. You hit him first so that was totally fair.

And then I looked at the scar on the other eye, the side of your head that you have never fallen on in the two years you have been with us and I wonder how you got it.

And I will never know.

It was your first scar.

And I missed it.

And now I’m crying because I can’t be there to take that back, or to hold you, or to hear you call my name like you always do when you are hurt. That scar hurts me probably more than it ever hurt you.

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Adoption: 25 Things to do while you wait

Marcie — Tue, 11 May 2010 13:30:10 +0000

One of the hardest parts of adopting a child from another country is being able to meet your child and then having to say goodbye. Your brain knows that you have to do it but your heart feels like it catapulted down to your stomach and started doing cartwheels the moment you handed your child back. How could this be natural part of having children?

Upon returning home the wait begins to return to bring your child home. But what are you supposed to do for 6 months? 8 months? 10 months? Most parents who are expecting know that they are going to a hospital on said day, giving birth to an infant, and bringing the infant home several days later. Adoptive parents, however, can assume nothing. Sure, we may have a referral for a child of a particular gender from a specific country but the time frame for bringing that child home is completely unknown. And what is more difficult is that even if we know the age of the child we are bringing home their size and their development may not match their age.

Waiting can be VERY difficult for some parents, especially those who are adopting for the first time. I know that the wait to bring home our first son seemed much more difficult than this one because I did not have a little one to keep my mind active. I had 90 middle school kids pestering me for 15 hours a day but it certainly was not the same.

There are plenty of things to keep adoptive couples busy during the wait time, no matter how short or lengthy it may get.

Prepare the Home

1. Prepare the home by baby-proofing. Include items like the Outlet Cover, Gates, Drawer and Cabinet Locks, Door Knob Covers (a MUST HAVE on almost EVERY Door), TV Guards for the Adventurous Toddler, and Cord Wind-ups for Blinds.

Look at everything from a toddler/baby point of view. Get down on your hands and knees and try to open every door, every cabinet, every window, every toilet. If you can see chemicals, dangerous items, or can open anything that you would not want your toddler getting into…baby-proof it (or just have a friend’s toddler come test it) Remember that if you are adopting a child from an international country they will not be speaking your language and will not understand you quickly enough to stop doing something dangerous. Baby-proofing will be imperative to both your sanity and your babies health.

2. Additionally, remove any and all clutter/knick-knacks that your child can get into and break. Many children will investigate everything (very impulsively) and research has shown that low stimulation, and basic surroundings are best at first. Remember that many of these children are coming from either institutions or foster homes that have bare surroundings.

Register for a Shower

3. A shower can be one of the most exciting things that a couple can have when expecting a child. However, it can also be difficult when adopting, as many people feel that it should happen AFTER the child comes home. In my opinion, this can be very difficult because once the child comes home the parent’s focus is on the child and getting the child to adapt to his.her surroundings. Many parents “hibernate” for attachment reasons, thus making a shower even more difficult after returning home.

Nonetheless, parents can register at Pottery Barn Kids, Target, Babies R Us, and even places like The Land of Nod .

Medical and Childcare

4. Add your future child to your health insurance policy

5. Adjust your life insurance policy or your income tax withholding,

6. If necessary, choose a pediatrician, making sure to interview several,

7. Find out how to enroll your child in his or her new school or daycare,

8. Find several local sitters to provide you some much needed respite when you need to run to the store or have a doctor’s appointment.

9. Take a CPR class (if not already required by your homestudy)

10. Don’t forget to get your immunizations if you need them.

Prepare your Adoption Announcements

11. This may sound a little tedious and a tad funny, but do the research now so that you know exactly what cards you are ordering (or making) and have it ready to go. You WILL be exhausted when you return home and people will probably expect an announcement. You usually want to see a baby announcement within the first month, right? Check out Hip, Modern Birth Announcements & Other Baby Stationery! (they do have adoption announcements), Classy Announcements, Photo Innovations, Stork Avenue, and my absolute favorite…2peas1pod.

2peas1pod even lets you pre-order and gives you a 10% discount…they send you the envelopes to pre-address while you are waiting.

Clean (you will never get it done again!)

12. Clean out old closets, the garage, cabinets, the refrigerator, and even have the carpets and furniture cleaned if you want (we didn’t have the furniture done but we were sure glad the carpets were done because AJ was all over it!)

13. Donate what you have not used, pitch what can’t be donated, or host a garage sale to raise money for the adoption. You won’t believe how much you will accumulate in the next few years.

Cook

14. Prepare and freeze some non-perishable dinners (or head to places like Super Suppers and have them help you may some fabulous dinners for when you come home.

Read

15. Don’t keep your head in the dark. Read up on the potential challenges you may face with attachment, medical issues, sensory integration, developmental delays, etc. And, read up on the many joys of adoption as well. I will post a list of recommended reading later this week.

Decorate the Baby Room

16. By the time you read this you probably know the gender of your child…so go ahead…decorate that special room. Take your time and make it absolutely perfect. But, remember my tip from Dr. Federici and keep it simple.

History

17. Track down and purchase copies of local and national newspapers and magazines published the day and week of your child’s birthday.

18. Start a scrapbook, otherwise known as a Lifebook, for your child. Track down information on his/her birth place, orphanage or place of foster care, etc.

Shop
19. One of the best things I did when waiting for AJ (and I have already started doing this for the Bebe) is shopping! I hit ONLY the best of the best sales and shop ONLY in sizes I think he may be in when he comes home. ie: I just recently purchased about 10 winter items from Gymboree for under $50. And, I got an entire outfit (pants, shirt, and sweater) for $5 at Target.

20. Shop garage sales if you wait during the summer and stock up on travel clothing. We actually purchased several outfits for our Russia trip and had no problem throwing away soiled clothes that we purchased for $.25.

Take Time

21. Take time for yourselves. As much as you can…take a vacation to somewhere you have never been and enjoy it.

22. Eat out if you can afford it, don’t just order in.

23. Spend time with friends and make sure they know you don’t want to lose touch with them.

24. Get TIVO…it will save your life.

25. RELAX.

26. And, for my Guatemala Trip friends here is a link on how to knit a full body suit while you are waiting.

What tips do you have if you are waiting (or have waited)?

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Adoption Quote of the Day

Marcie — Sat, 08 May 2010 14:21:08 +0000

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

One day while I was hanging out with one of my friends the topic of our parents came up. My friend always knew that I was adopted through open adoption but we had never discussed it. I guess on this particular day he was feeling rather brave and launched into a slew of question, like do I see my birthmom, and, how often. You could tell that he was relieved that I felt so comfortable talking with him about it. Then he asked me, between my adoptive parents and my birthpartents which did I feel were my “REAL” parents. I was sort of surprised by what seemed should be the obvious answer. I told him, hey, they’re both my “REAL” parents.

Young Man
adopted through Open Adoption

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Adoption Quote of the Day

Marcie — Wed, 05 May 2010 06:41:03 +0000

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

“The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day.”

M. Grundler quotes

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Grown In My Heart » Marcie

13 Things I want to teach my boys

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Why We Celebrate Adoption Days

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A Thousand Words

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