Brothers: Separated by Adoption, Reunited.

Lost Brothers: My sons, Max and Gain on August 19, 2007 the first time they met each other.
Adoption did not just affect the child relinquished, but the brother who said to me …

You say “Gotcha” and my mind races back to those days….with no regard to what it might be like, was like, is like. There is no room in the word “gotcha” for me. And while I can understand the feelings of joy my son’s parents had…heck, I comforted myself with the fantasy of what it was like for them..to balance it out, to give the pain some meaning, some purpose besides myself…I like to think that they did think of me..wondered too..if I was sad and feeling alone, empty. Like I thought of them..full of joy..loving my child

I am, quite frankly, sick and tired of the adoption industry pretending to protect me and other birthmothers. Every time I lobby or speak to a legislator about sealed adoptee records, they ALWAYS have the same concern; ” the poor birthmother who doesn’t want to be found” In truth, the average percentage of American Birthmothers who do not desire contact is 0.993471.

It can take years to find your birthmother and birth families, or it can takes days, but you never know until your try. It might seem daunting to begin to search and find your birthmother or other family separated by adoption, but there are tried and true steps to take. And it can work!

I spin in my own mental circles worrying myself over everything and wondering what to do next; half the time so paralyzed with fear for doing the wrong thing that I do nothing at all, except bite off more than I can chew and spread myself too thin. I had such high hopes. I had such dreams, but now, it’s kind of fizzely. Is that a word? I don’t know, but now.. I feel stuck, confused, lost again…mother, not mother what does it all mean?

Shown already at both the Toronto International Film Festival and Sundance, “movie” reviews hail the performances of the main characters played by Annette Bening, Naomi Watts, and Kerri Washington as both Oscar Worthy and also sang praises for Garica who was both writer and director. I, however, do not pretend to be a true film critic, but rather look upon anything adoption related for it’s true views and media portrayals of adoption. It was with my birthmother “adoption eyes” that I viewed the Screening of “Mother and Child” at the Sony Private screening room in NYC this past Monday evening.

It’s not about what you did or did not do. It is not about what I did or did not do. It is not about who is right or who is wrong. It’s not about what you knew or didn’t know. It’s not about whether you fit that generalization or not. It’s not even about what offends and hurts you. It’s about being able to speak clearly and make others understand, talk about the truth, the hard stuff, process that, and then improve it. It’s about growing and changing. It is about understanding. It is about seeing my mistakes and yours and learning how to not make them again. It is about the collective body of knowledge that we all must “get”. Adoption is too vast, too wide of an ocean with too many nuances. We only have one life and we cannot all live though every aspect of it for a total picture. We have to learn from each other.

Thousands of Adoptive Parents are NOT Acting in Best Interest of Children; Choosing Drugs over Kids shows recent vote in the U.S.
Parents allowing Marijuana to be more important than adopted children & won’t take 5 minutes to change history and be good parents. The national vote clearly shows that the idea to Legalize the Recreational Use of Marijuana is more Important than Adoptees!

In Haiti, they are still alive and talking and we have a wonderful opportunity to learn for watching what happens. We have the ability to seek understanding from these very real, live human parents to understand what caused them to send their children away.
Don’t tell me that “they wanted to give up these children”. Don’t tell me that they made a choice. Death or adoption is not a choice. Educational Opportunities or Adoption is not a choice. Extreme Poverty or Adoption is not a choice. Prison or Adoption is not a choice. Social scorn or Adoption is not a choice.
In any country, any race, any nationality, any color, any culture: ask any sane, non emotional damaged, mother is she wants to give up her child and her answer will be no. Ask her if she would if she had to if it ensured her child better and she will hope that she can.

That’s Adoption, not a Choice.

Adoption Search Facebook Style!
I watched a miracle happen on Facebook.  Just now. It was amazing.
A friend of mine, who is an adoptee, put together a Facebook group asking for help finding her birth family. Yesterday.
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