In the beginning there was passion. There was excitement and thrill. There was a sense of purpose and ability and wow squeeeee! I can’t believe I’m getting to do this! In the beginning, there were puppies and rainbows and sunshine and chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. But as we all know, rainbows come with rain, puppies come with poo, and chocolate… well chocolate comes with an increased pant size. Surrogacy, like every good and beautiful thing, has it’s unpleasant moments. The trick to dealing with them is to be aware that they’re out there.

My biggest hurdle, the hardest part of my surrogacy journey, has also been the biggest surprise and ultimately, one of the most positive things to come out of it. What was that hurdle? My family.

Bouncing full of joy at my newfound decision, I announced to my extended family our plans to proceed with a surrogacy plan. I had applied and been accepted at an agency, had already started some of the preliminary health workup. I was just so excited that I had to tell my family, my rock, what was going on. I knew there was the possibility that my family may not be as excited as I was, but it didn’t become a reality until a few weeks after my big announcement. My eldest sister thought I was a uterine whore, a selfish back alley baby seller. My father compared it to prostitution and literally tried to buy me off. My other sister felt I was somewhat morally corrupt to accept compensation for this journey, and a bit of an attention whore for working with a “stranger” in the first place. I was shocked. This was before I was even matched with an intended parent. Hindsight being what it is, I should have waited to announce. I should have waited till I had my intended parents all matched up, till I could say “this is who I’m doing this for”. It wouldn’t have changed how they felt, but it would have changed how they reacted. It was a hard few weeks for me, mostly because I was so surprised. I hadn’t expected that reaction at. All. But I was passionate about my decision and committed to going forward and also? I’m a grown adult that has the full support of her husband. This was our decision to make.

I was sad, mad, hurt, and surprised.. But in the end? I’m also glad. Through those hard weeks and months, I learned who I can really count on. I was shocked to find that my grandmother, a staunch Catholic, was one of my biggest supporters. My mother was an unassuming pillar of strength, a surprise as I had always been “daddy’s girl”, ever since they had divorced. And my younger brother was proud. Proud. I hadn’t expected any of that. I also came to really appreciate and eventually lean on my little circle of friends, and to marvel in the unconditional love and support of my husband. I was humbled to find that his entire extended family was 100% behind us in this, something that I had never even considered. I had always thought of MY family as being the warm and fuzzy group; we hug all the time, vacation together, and are always in each other’s lives. His family was always a bit more distant. No random hugging. So imagine my shock when my father in law gave me a big teary eyed hug and told me how proud of me he was. When my brother-in-law cheerfully offered to watch my children on the weekends I needed to fly out of town for match meetings and transfer trips while husband worked. It was a shocking, happy, humbling experience.

Over time, my family calmed. When I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks with my first surrogate pregnancy they called offering support… although I already had my real support system in place. When I passed into my third trimester with the twins, huge pregnant, and my husband and children left for the family Christmas gathering without me, my eldest sister teared up with worry that I would be left alone.

When I gave birth, they called, e-mailed, and visited. Eldest sister actually came over to visit and meet the little ladies and their father. My brother has called just to express joy at seeing pictures of them. My grandmother keeps hounding me to post more baby photos! My mother asks at every phone conversation how the girls are doing. And my husband? Always has a box of tissues or an exclamation of joy waiting for me when I have a moment about the twins.

I learned a lot through my first surro journey, but my biggest education came from within. I learned that I have a large pool of people who really do love me and support me, unconditionally. I learned that placing anyone on a pedestal will always end up with a painful ending and isn’t fair to yourself or that person. I learned that my husband loves me. Really really loves me. I learned that it really is OK to lean on others when you need to, and I learned just whom I could lean on.

My relationship with my father is forever changed, and that is a good thing. My relationships with my sisters are slowly repairing. It will never be the same, but now, for the first time, it is with equal footing. Surrogacy caused this nearly 30 year old child who hungers for approval to blossom into a nearly 30 year old adult who is more than strong enough to stand on her own two feet, but wise enough to lean a bit when necessary. It brought out the best in me, by making me live through the worst in others.

In a few months I start another journey, this time with a traditional couple. I announced my plans early and firmly to my family and move forward secure with my decision, knowing my cheering squad is behind me the whole way. It may not be all puppies and rainbows and chocolate, but in the end? In whole? It is so much more. More, plus chocolate.

Sabrina also writes at www.bumpfairy.wordpress.com